World’s Best Quotes About Sex

“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
- Tom Clancy

“You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither.”
- Steve Martin

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
- Woody Allen

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.”
- Rodney Dangerfield

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.”
- Lynn Lavner

“Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.”
- Matt Barry

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”
- George Burns

“Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.”
- George Burns

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”
- Sharon Stone

“My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she’s reading.”
- Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”
- Jack Nicholson

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”
- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady - and you didn’t think Barbara had a sense of humor)

“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
- Robin Williams

“Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.”
- Roseanne

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”
- Billy Crystal

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”
- Robert De Niro

“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?”
- Dustin Hoffman

“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.”
- Jerry Seinfeld

“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”
- Rod Stewart

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
- Robin Williams

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12 Other Businesses That Would Thrive if Staffed By Girls in Bikinis

12 Other Businesses That Would Thrive if Staffed By Girls in Bikinis

MSN just ran a story about a lawn care company in Tennessee that uses girls in bikinis to do yard work. The owner charges a "premium" for the service, and apparently business is booming. So I started thinking: what other businesses and services could benefit from a little blatant sexual exploitation?



Dentist - Everyone dreads going to this drill-happy sadist, but every guy on the planet would look like Matt Dillon in "Something About Mary" if the work was done by G-string wearing (insert butt-floss joke here) dental assistants instead. My tooth enamel would be worn down to the nub from the monthly cleanings I'd be getting.



Flight Attendant - Airlines in bankruptcy? Pilots on strike? Never again. If there were hot flight attendants in bikinis roaming the aisles I'd commute to work through Cincinnati every day.



Plumber - When have you ever heard a guy say, "Thank God, I have to call the plumber"? Exactly. But if it was Madame Suzette's Thong and Wrench Plumbing Service, I'd have a leaky pipe every weekend.



Tailor - If we were getting our in seam measured by a young hottie in a handmade crocheted bikini instead of some old guy who smells of chalk and barely speaks English, we'd have EVERYTHING custom fit. Jeans and boxers included.



Car Mechanic - She could tell me it was£400 to fix the flangilator that separated from the juwassle valve and I'd pay it. No. Questions. Asked.



Urologist - Think of how much more excited you'd be to hear the words "Drop your pants and bend over the table, please..."



College Lecturer - You could hold classes on The Hidden Symbolism in 14th Century European Tapestries at 6am and there wouldn't be an empty chair in the room.



Librarians/Book store Clerks - Who says guys don't read books? We'd be reading nightly if the nice librarian in the t-back and sexy black-rimmed glasses would just show us the finer points of the Dewey Decimal System.



Butcher - Hot girls in bikinis. And meat. Screw my cholesterol. Someone check my pulse, I'm in Guy Heaven.



Bank Teller - No other reason than we would love to hear a beautiful, nearly naked woman ask us if we would like to leave a deposit.



Postal Worker - Forget email. We'd be snail mailing everything. One letter at a time. Long lines? Incredibly slow service? Yeah, so? It'd give a whole new meaning to the term "going postal".



TAX Auditor - Picture tall, blonde dominatrix-types in leather bikinis showing up to interrogate you about inconsistencies on your 1040 form. I'd have Willy Nelson and Wesley Snipes doing my taxes every year.