Towel Tales

Towlie Tales has moved!

2009-04-02T12:26:00.002+01:00

Towlie Tales has moved to a lovely new word press server at the great adultblogs.co.uk
So for the best ways to make money or the latest news on affiliate marketting and dating in the UK and the world

Russia's new UAV ? Sorta nsfw but only if your office is full of prudes !

2008-05-20T15:27:00.005+01:00

Penis Disrupts Garry Kasparov Speech

Well as I am sure all my regular readers are familiar with my love of all things flying and combine that with sex and what do get ?
A flying radio control penis that's what ! lol check out the pic below and the video to see it in err action.

Brings a whole new meaning to dicks flapping in the wind !

From the actual news.....
After the security guard swatted it to the ground, Kasparov says, "I think we have to be thankful for the opposition's demonstration of the level of discourse we need to anticipate. Also, apparently most of their arguments are located beneath the belt." Someone in the audience shouts, "Finally the political power shows its face!" Kasparov quickly replies, "Well, if that's its face..." to laughter from the audience.

Ah Russian politics here in the uk we might throw some eggs or flour etc but not in mother Russia where hat seeking rc penis comes and chases you round the room.

I have a feeling you wont be seeing this gadget in the next James Bond film though, although I'd like to see the chase scene between the flying penis and a four wheel drive vagina as they go through some twisty lanes in Monte Carlo.

So Grand Theft Auto IV what does towlie think read a full review and interview with Dan Houser VP of Rockstar games.

2008-05-06T15:19:00.005+01:00

As we're sure you're aware, this week sees the release of Grand Theft Auto IV, the highly anticipated latest iteration of the popular violence-based, sandbox-style video game series. This time, the action is set in Liberty City, a living, breathing replica of New York. Dan Houser, Vice President of Rockstar Games and co-writer of GTA IV, spoke to Vulture about building a nuttier, dirtier Gotham.

DRIVEN INSANE: Now that the year's biggest video game has arrived, it may be time to add a new feature to my blog : Who's Mad at "GTA IV" This Week?

Well first up its the predictable list of manly feminists, immigrant groups, New York City police obviously and New York's mayor, Michael Bloomberg.

Then there's the industry's most laughable critic, A Florida attorney named Jack Thompson, who called "GTA IV" "the gravest assault upon children in this country since polio." LOL

GTA the greatest threat to children since Polio ?????

Amid the hubbub, there was one voice that's new to this debate. Mothers Against Drunk Driving are protesting about a part of the game that involves getting the main character pissed as a fart so that he can barely stand, then have him drive a car. Now most well adjusted adults know that if you cant even stand then your probably in no fit state to drive well NO your too stupid to know the difference according to MADD (madd by name madd by nature ?) "Drunk driving is not a game, and it is not a joke," MADD said in a statement. The group asked the Entertainment Software Rating Board to reclassify "GTA IV" as Adults-Only, a step up from its current Mature rating.I am not entirely sure what difference raising the age rating will help but obviously I am not quite madd enough !

MADD's protest ignores one thing about the drunk-driving simulator: It's really difficult — and not much fun — to control your virtual car when your character is intoxicated. And much of the sober driving in "GTA IV' would be illegal and dangerous in real life.

"GTA IV" publisher Rockstar Games responded, "We have a great deal of respect for MADD's mission, but we believe the mature audience for 'Grand Theft Auto IV' is more than sophisticated enough to understand the game's content." Expect to see any number of variations on this statement from Rockstar in the months ahead.

"Somebody think of the children"

DARN KIDS: "Grand Theft Auto IV" isn't supposed to be sold to anyone younger than 17, but a lot of kids are going to find a way to get their hands on it. How concerned should parents be?

Not very, according to Lawrence Kutner and Cheryl K. Olson, two Harvard Medical School psychiatrists who conducted a federally funded research project on the effects of video games on preteens and teenagers. In their new book, "Grand Theft Childhood," Kutner and Olson write, "Perhaps the biggest lesson learned from our research is that parents should not worry about violent or other M-rated video games having a profound effect on their children's behavior or values."

Most young gamers, they write, "had incorporated their parents' fundamental values into their lives" and realized that "these games were entertaining but outrageous fantasies." Other factors — violence or abuse in the home, treatable mental health problems, even access to real weapons — are far more likely to result in children behaving violently, they say.

Kutner and Olson sum up their results with one word: "Relax."

Now for more GTA related goodies a excerpt from a interview with the VP of Rockstar Games and co writter of GTA IV Dan Houser.....

So the gaming industry has changed a lot since the last GTA ...

Yeah, fuck all this stuff about casual gaming. I think people still want games that are groundbreaking. The Wii is doing something totally different, which is fantastic. We're hopefully going to prove that there’s also a very big audience for people who want entertainment in another form, who think of games as being a narrative device that can challenge movies. We always said: We’re not going release a large number of games. They’re going to have the production values of movies. They're gonna be about themes that interest us whatever the medium, instead of the weird, special video game–only themes that too many people make — orcs and elves, or monsters, or space. We felt you could make a good game and have it be about something we could actually relate to. Or aspire to.

When it comes to designing New York, where do you even start? With the map?

It's not just getting the roads laid out sensibly, which we do, or picking all the landmarks — it's also the more subtle details of dirt, or lighting. We had people out photographing on rooftops on time-lapse cameras so we could get the lighting as close as we can. We had guys looking at Census data; this part of Queens should be more Chinese. The [pedestrians] can go up and speak to each other now, so we got them speaking Russian, Spanish, Chinese. It seemed we'd set a high bar in the past and wanted to take it to a new place, where you feel less like a video game and more like this weird digital fantasy world.

How do you do that?

We're doing things in this that other people would think is insane. Here's a simple example: pedestrians, the guys that walk around, it's a massive-scale production to do that. We ended up with 660 speaking parts. 80,000 lines of dialogue, it's ridiculous.

Can you give us an example of something in the game we wouldn't notice right away?

I think one of the things we try to capture in the game is that New York is the world leader in walking around meeting insane people. [Rockstar Games president] Sam [Houser] and I were walking home and we just met this absolutely crazy homeless guy, who was telling us how he recently killed someone, and drifted into insanity. After 30 seconds of this guy's life, we both thought — he's brilliant! [In the game] you meet freaky characters, and then you can do little random interactive things with them.

Who are a few of your favorites?

We go for that full range of classic New York archetypes. You've got the angry sleeping-pill-popping sort of Sex and the City type woman, you know, whose looks are just beginning to fade — a career woman who works in fashion. The guy who's like, "Yo, buy my record." There's the kid who's like the overconfident cokehead, and then you see him later and he becomes a crackhead, and he's a real mess. And then you see him a while later and he's fresh out of rehab.

So all the pedestrians fit the neighborhoods?

The people in Soho are expensively dressed and into shopping and vacuous in their own way. People in Noho are slightly different, people in Harlem are different. We give them a little character, maybe a two-sentence description — usually a cynical take on a classic New York persona: an English guy living over here, who thinks he's a real hot shot, but he's a complete phony, which is why he's come to New York. If he gets pushed when he's on his cell phone, he runs away from you.

We're trying to pick up personalities that are worth of spoofing. We're not trying to go after every single black person, or every 25-year-old Hispanic kid. We’re saying, this is the neurotic guy who wants to be hard. This is the hard guy who wants to be a poet. And this is the angry guy who's trying to go to anger management class. We're just trying to get male personas and fix them to any race.

On the fashion side, we're literally doing fashion shoots and taking the photographs and turning them into the models. We have street stylists to help us dress them. It's got to look right.

How realistic did you want to go with this?

We try to get the essence of the place, not a photo-realistic, digital tourist guide. We wanted a kind of spiritual tourist guide that feels like New York, but a blown-out, larger-than-life version. We want it to feel you're the star of your own movie or TV show. We wanted an element of the classic New York of the seventies and eighties too.

It’s got a bit of that bad, good old days feel.

We’re not at all aspiring to virtual reality — what we are aspiring to is what feels like you're living in your own world, halfway between 3-D cartoon and action movies. Aaron [Gorbut] in Scotland, the art director, the thing that he's a genius at, and his main guys are brilliant at pulling off, is making the worlds look lived-in in a way no one else can. They don't just think, "How do I make a beautiful model for this house and the sidewalk?" They worry about, "How do I seam them together and put a nice dirt between them?" You never notice that as a consumer, but you do notice that it looks really believable. Other games look so rigid.

How did you pick which areas of New York to feature?

We went from maybe doing the whole of New York State. And then it was just Manhattan, then it expanded out again and was going to be a bunch of suburbs, maybe like Westchester or out to Long Island with woods so you could go bury people. We made lists of what must we keep, what can we drop, what's got to be there, what can we smash in together. Like how we don't do Staten Island and do New Jersey: we would all vote on it. We didn't want to offend anyone in Staten Island, but you get the same suburban neighborhoods in Jersey, plus some factories and stuff.

What kind of research did you do?

We started videoing a lot of neighborhoods, and then the videos were sent off to North [Rockstar's studio in Scotland, where most programming is done] and put on plasma TVs around their office, so while they worked they could look up and there was New York.

Did the guys from Scotland come over here?

In March or April of 2005 we had 60 or 70 of the guys here for a week and a half, driving around in SUVs in the rough parts of town. We'd have cops who used to work the beat driving us around Washington Heights, and saying it used to be great because it was really different then and you could shoot people all the time.

How have the radio stations in the game improved?

We went basically from about eight or nine stations in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas to eighteen different radio stations this time. We wanted [the news station] to feel like 1010 WINS, so we got one of the main voices [John Montone] to be our news reader. Problem is, in New York now, you can't find seventeen radio stations you want to listen to. We tried to get stuff that would feel like what you would want to hear if you came to New York. Not necessarily what you do find here, but what you ought to hear if it was like the way you'd imagined it.

It seems like the video game–violence issue might finally be dying down. Do you foresee any problems with GTA IV?

If you don’t like any violent content in your entertainment, then I apologize because I do. And I’ve unfortunately been exposed to it my entire life. I agree that the world would be a greater place if all of the guns and all of the bombs disappeared, but that certainly is not in the agenda. If we equally got rid of a lot of books that talk about violence, okay. But if we don’t like these games because they've got content that we’re happy to see in movies and TV shows, then what you’re saying is you don’t like the medium because we don’t have a George Clooney type sticking his face in front of the camera. There is nothing in the game you would not see in a TV show, or a movie a hundred times over, so I don’t understand what the conversation is about. We set out to make games that felt like they could culturally exist alongside the movies we were watching and the books we were reading, and hopefully we’re getting close to those goals.

I thought you might back away from the sex, but you can still pick up girls, right?

We wanted it to feel like a gangster film. And you can't do that if you can’t use bad language, or have a hooker on the corner, or a strip club, or all the other things that are part of that world.

Now from the 20% I ve managed to make my way through I think this might be another classic game from Rockstar that you will still be seeing copyied well into the future of gaming beyond even the PS3 and Xbox 360.

Towlies Rating

New South Park airs 1206 - Over Logging looks like another great episode

2008-04-16T23:27:00.004+01:00

Woo hoo another new south park airs in the states tonight so whats it about you ask well the episode description is as follows courtesy of mr twig.

1206 - Over Logging

No one in South Park has internet access and there's no telling when, or even if, it will come back. Desperation sets in as the fear of the unknown spreads rapidly across the country. When Randy hears there still may be some internet out in California, he packs up his family and heads west in search of a signal.

Randy packs up the family and heads off in search of an internet connection

south park 1205 s12e05 torrent, watch south park

2008-04-10T13:01:00.003+01:00

Episode 1205 1205: Eek, A Penis! Now Available see torrents below or in side bar.

The Good-

- The Stand and Deliver parody was so cute; I've seen the movie over and over and it never gets old. Cartman wasn't spending his time messing around with Butters and fighting with Kyle (except for a few little scenes) for once, which was a nice change of pace concerning Cartman's role in episodes.

- The stab at the Patriots got a laugh out of me...

- Garrison's a dude again; I thought he was so much better in the earlier seasons as a dude.

The Bad-

- The whole pen0r subplot was just...not up my alley. Pen0r jokes don't really cut it for me; it seemed a bit too crude.

The Ugly-

- The pen0r-rat singing to the moon made me want to throw my remote at the TV. I thought that was completely lame.

"The movie Stand and Deliver was spoofed pretty well during this South Park episode Eek! A Penis!.
In the episode, Cartman is sent to teach at an inner city school. He teaches the class the various methods of cheating, and in difficult situations, constantly repeats the phase, "How do I reach these kids!"

See preview and stream the episode if your from the USA at http://www.southparkstudios.com/

New South Park tomorrow and Hands on With GTA IV 4 Multiplayer: City of Chaos

2008-04-09T15:15:00.006+01:00

Well the new south park is out tommorrow but I ve found something to make most grown men wet themselves yes I am talking about the new GTA now I found a great little piece on http://kotaku.com

Please note this is a review by kotaku.com not myself.
Enjoy I know I did ohh cant wait !!!!!!!!!!!!!

A couple of months ago, before I had a chance to play GTA IV, I got into a discussion with an industry insider about Rockstar, and in particular, the Grand Theft Auto franchise. We were talking about whether the polarizing series, much beloved by gamers and reviled by non-gamers, had jumped the shark.

Would this be the last GTA, I wondered. The insider was quick to say no, even after I pointed out that I had watched a chunk of the single-player campaign, which impressed me, but didn't seem to include any giant leaps forward for the franchise.

"Did you see multiplayer?"

"No."

"Just wait."

After spending a morning at Rockstar late last month, playing around with Grand Theft Auto IV's single player campaign, the guys walked me to the room next door to check out Grand Theft Auto's first real take on multiplayer.

Over the course of several hours I had a chance to check out five multiplayer modes, including a short co-op campaign, out of what is rumored to be the game's more than dozen multiplayer modes.

I was happy to find that Grand Theft Auto has most definitely not jumped the shark.

I was initially disappointed when I discovered that my expectations, no matter how unreasonable, that GTA IV would let you play through the entire campaign with a friend weren't to be met. But that was short lived.

The sheer level of customization in the game, the wild variety of play, and the unsurpassed size of the maps made the lack of a full co-op campaign seem like an afterthought.

To start playing a multiplayer game you bring up Niko's cell phone in the single player campaign and, using the in-phone menu, select multiplayer. So you can drop into one of these sessions whenever you want.

While you can't play as Nikko, the campaign's main character, you can customize your own character, creating someone by choosing male or female and then selecting among four different heads, four torsos, four legs and several types of glasses and hats.

All but one of the multiplayer modes supports up to 16 players. (The co-op missions only support up to four.) The host has an amazing array of options that they can control. While setting up a game, the host can choose to modify the routine, like re-spawn times, weapon selections and friendly fire, or the unusual, like the time of day, the weather, how heavy the traffic is or how many people are on the street. You can even control police presence in your matches.

While the game allows you to select parts of the map to play in, choosing specific boroughs, smaller neighborhoods, or areas like the airport, it doesn't prevent players from roaming the entire city during any given match. Instead the respawns and weapon drops only occur in those areas.

While the high level of customization adds a lot to the experience, I was just as wowed by some of the little things built into multiplayer, like the ability for players waiting in a lobby to turn on their radio and listen to GTA's soundtrack.

Deathmatch

My first experience with GTA 4 multiplayer was deathmatch and team deathmatch.

Instead of winning with kill counts, both of these modes look at your cash total to see who won the match. Cash is earned by killing members of the other team and you can get extra cash by darting out to collect the money they drop when they die.

The controls were solid, as I've mentioned before, but what made this deathmatch feel so different was that it felt like it was taking place in a living, breathing world. People were walking around, there were cars to be stolen. You can actually load up a car with your entire team and try to drive-by the other team mates. You could even, if you felt like it, take off to parts unknown, areas on the map nowhere near where the action was taking place.

Deathmatch was fun, and the added twist of an open world and a huge map, definitely upped the value, but it was still deathmatch.

Cops N Crooks

The next mode we played was Cops N Crooks, a variation on your typical deathmatch mode where you have to find and take out the bad guys.

The team playing as cops can see the crooks on their radar, but the the crooks can only see the escape point on the map and don't know where the cops are until it's almost too late. The mode has two derivations: In All for One you need to kill the boss, played by one of the crooks. In One for All everyone has just one life and once the crooks are dead the cops win.There were some really nice touches to the game that made this stand out from some of the other modes I've played in shooters. For instance as the bad guys, you can give each other waypoints on the live map, allowing one player to drive and another to navigate.

We also played matches were the bad guys split up into two groups, doubling the chance for the boss to get away because we weren't sure which group he was with.

Lots of fun, plenty of potential, especially when you factor in that this all still takes place in GTA's open world.

GTA Race

This was the mode I least wanted to play, but came in as one of my favorites to mess around with. Imagine Mario Kart in a real world, with real cars. Now add machine guns, pistols, rocket launchers, Molotov cocktails, in fact every weapons in GTA. Now, let people get out of their cars and do whatever they want to win, or prevent other people from winning. Wow, just wow.

This mode lets the host choose vehicle types before a race, the race course, time limit and number of laps. Sure the game has checkpoints, and you need to hit them, or most of them, to complete a lap, but being the fastest doesn't get close to guaranteeing a win.

In our introduction to the mode, myself and Newsweek's N'gai Croal were burning around the course, which I believe took place near GTA's Central Park, when we came to a stone archway we absolutely had to go through to complete the lap. Problem was, there were cars, lots of cars blocking our way. By the time I had assessed the situation, one of the other players ran up to me and killed me at the wheel.

The race quickly devolved into a deathmatch until we realized that Croal had nosed his car through the wreckage and was burning through the laps. In another race, this one taking place at an airport complete with moving planes, I didn't bother trying to speed through the course and instead clamored on top of an airport gangway with a rocket launcher and just waited. When people came by I blew up their cars. Meanwhile Rockstar's Jeronimo Barrera was taking great pleasure trying to mow down Croal in what looked like a golf cart.

From what I played of it, GTA Race could easily be a standalone game, something that would occupy a gamer's attention for months.

Hangman's NOOSE

The final mode we played was probably the most impressive. Hangman's NOOSE is Rockstar's answer to a story-driven campaign mode. Instead of allowing players to complete chunks of the single player campaign with a friend, the developers decided to create side missions, featuring ancillary characters, that can be played as a group with a total of four people.

Rockstar declined to say how many of these co-op missions the game will ship with, but I'd think it would come with more than the one and I'd bet that the 360 DLC will be all about this mode.

The mission we played was Hangman's NOOSE. In it you're asked to rescue a crime boss from an army of police who are picking him up on the runway of the airport. The missions started out on the runway and as we shot it out with cops, two more armored SWAT trucks drove up, unloading more and more cops.

The first play through was pretty succinct, we grabbed the armored truck, got the boss in it and tore across the city to our extraction point while the city's entire police force mobilized to stop us.

The second play through didn't go nearly as well.

A Rockstar developer took the wheel of the armored car again, and another rode shotgun. Croal hopped into the back to shoot at pursuing cops. I opted to swipe a helicopter that was on the runway and followed the wagon as it entered the interstate, trying to gun down the stream of cop cars in pursuit.

Then it happened: Croal was shot. The hit didn't kill him, but it did knock him from the truck which continued to speed toward the drop off point. Soon Croal was surrounded by cops on the middle of an interstate. I turned my chopper around and told Croal I was coming for him. Landing the copter in a nearby clearing, I got out to try and find Croal, but he had snatched a car and was already out of the police infested area.

I ran back to my copter only to find its rotors had been snapped off during my crap landing next to a copse of trees. The whole thing ended with me being gunned down by a phalanx of cops as I ran down the interstate toward the distant extraction point, and the whole team losing.

The missions was actually very straight forward, lacking almost completely in narrative and pretty short, but that works in GTA IV. It works because the game, especially in the multiplayer modes, seems to be providing you a way to create your own experiences.

I could replay Hangman's NOOSE a dozen times and not get tired of it, mostly because each time through created a different experience. It's so open ended that they story you play, as with single player, often seems like your own.

I've certainly not played enough of Grand Theft Auto IV to being able to say whether the game will live up to mounting expectations, but I can certainly say that Rockstar hasn't been caught resting. This game, and it's unusual and varied take on multiplayer gaming isn't packed with obvious innovations, but it still manages to innovate where it counts most: In storytelling.

For anyone who is still reading and hoping to find out about the new south park here you go...
Episode 1205 is titled - Eek, A Penis!

Airdate: 2008-04-09

While Ms. Garrison is off trying to find a way to become the man he was always intended to be, Cartman is put in charge of the classroom.

This weeks great new South Park episode 1204 - Canada On Strike! EH ! - Airdate: 02/04/08

2008-04-03T12:01:00.011+01:00

This weeks great new episode 1204 - Canada On Strike! - Airdate: 02/04/08

So if you love South parks Canada episodes like me you'll love this one. Honk if you love Canada Eh !

Looks like another great spoof episode of South Park.

The head of the World Canadian Bureau leads the country into a long and painful strike and the responsibility of brokering a settlement rests with the boys.

Meanwhile, people from Denmark flock to the U.S. and cross the picket lines to take the place of the striking Canadians.

In conflict over whether or not to stand with their countrymen, Terrance and Phillip uncover the truth behind the outrageous cost of the strike.

This episode is featured in the following torrents:

Thanks to Mr Twig

1204 - Canada on Strike [tv»rm] 36Mb

1204 - Canada on Strike [tv»avi] 175Mb

Great Ike Screen saver here

Create your own South Park Avatar
http://www.southparkstudios.com/fans/avatar/
Now with Canadians Eh !
Oh and WTF ?
Is this NASA's latest way to check tiles ? Or an anti-terror device or just one sneaky dog ?

Worst Porn Movie Titles Ever

2008-03-26T10:59:00.005Z

Worst Porn Movie Titles Ever
uide to porn titles 101

First off, let's set out the criteria : a BAD porn movie title does the opposite of its intention, which is to arouse your interests and convince you to buy the tape. Nope, these titles work against them -- they disgust, confuse or just plain turn you off. I've divided them up into 5 categories : 1) Gross, 2) Groan, 3) Stupid, 4) What The Hell, and 5) The Porn Store Clerk Laughed At Me. I'll elaborate later.

There are a number of exclusions. Foreign titles are out because a bad translation is out of the original namer's control. Ethnic videos were also excluded because they're all pretty offensive, so "Chicken Chow Mine" and "Sushi Girls #24 - Stir Fry Snatch" are not on the list, as well as pretty much all the black videos. (I have never seen so many uses of the words "ho" and "booty" in my life.) Gay is out because the titles always make me giggle or extremely uncomfortable. Also, any movie titles describing a disgusting sex act were disqualified because that's a personal bias. So you don't get "Bust A Nut In Grandma's Butt" because some people like old women. Really old women. Yikes. "Edward Penishands" was immediately out because that one pops up on EVERYBODY ELSE'S Best Porn Movie Title list because it is actually an awesome title. I saw that movie. That had to be the worst porn shoot ever for that poor guy.

1) GROSS - these are disgusting titles that should turn you off completely :

1. THE ANAL GIRLS OF TOBACCO ROAD 2 : VAGINA SLIMES - The title that started me on this list. "Virginia Slims" becomes "Vagina Slimes" ? That's disgusting ! You get the idea.

2. LET'S PLAY STAIN THE COUCH - And then invite all our friends over and watch them try to guess what that smell is !

3. CRACK WHORES OF AMERICA - Because nothing turns a guy on more than needle tracks and missing teeth ...

4. PRIME CUTS - YO QUIERO TACO SMELL - I know when I get down there, I want to smell refried beans !

5. AMATEURS ONLY #129 - I'M A BROWN SHIT-HOLED WHORE - Some people like poo, so maybe I shouldn't have included this one. What can I say, it just has a certain poetry to it.

6. SEX STARVED FUCK SLUTS #22 - STINKY WHITE WOMEN - Why would you want to have sex with somebody who is stinky ? You are a puzzle, sir.

2) GROAN - bad puns, horrible plays on words, stupid Hollywood movie name adaptations :

7. DUDE, WHERE'S MY DILDO ? - Bad movie, probably a bad porno based on a bad movie.

8. ULTRA KINKY #79 - BOWLIN' IN HER COLON - Bowling balls and colons, such a pretty image.

9. ASS-HOLE O MIO - You've got to be kidding.

10. HOMEGROWN VIDEO #489 : FUCK THE CANUCK - Trouble rhyming "bitch" today ?

11. BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE VAGINA - Kurt Russell should be so lucky ...

12. GOOD ASSTERNOON - I want to see a porno with really amazing dialogue. This won't be it.

13. BACKDOOR ADVENTURES OF BUTTHEAD AND BEAVER - Too obvious.

14. HINDFELD - A porno about nothing.

15. TEA BAGGER VANCE - Did anybody see the original movie ? Yeah, whatever.

16. MUSIC TO FUCK TO - ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES A LABIA - I would watch this if they actually got Lionel Richie to sing the new lyrics with a close-up shot of him crying.

17. GERANALMO - Sure, why not ?

18. BRASSIERE TO ETERNITY - You're reaching ...

19. TIG OL' BITTIES - Spoonerisms can be fun. Sometimes not.

20. MOULIN SPLOOGE - You saw this one coming ...

21. TITS OF FURY - ... but not this one ...

22. GERMAN WHORE FARE - Well, I groaned ...

23. SHE'S NOT A LESBIAN ... SHE'S A VAGITARIAN - Sigh ...

24. TOOKIE RAIDER - Tookie ? Tookie ??? You're just making up words now.

25. MUFFUGNUGEN - That's just lame, man.

26. PRIME CUTS - ONE FELL INTO THE POO-POO'S NEST - You went to college for this ?

27. FILTHY FUCKERS #184 - POKE 'ER MON - Who exactly is your target audience ?

28. RIMMERAMA - It does kind of roll off the tongue, though.

29. HOOTERS AND THE BLOWJOBS - Sometimes the music in porn movies is kind of interesting. Not this time.

30. HUNG WANKENSTEIN - Two, count 'em, TWO bad puns in one title ! I want this job !

3) STUPID - poorly chosen titles for various reasons :

31. SEX - This is so wonderfully descriptive, there are TWO movies with this title.

32. THE SPLENDOR OF HELL - Nothing gets me going more than the thought of the sin I am committing at the time and the eventual suffering I am bringing upon myself.

33. COCKLESS 19 - All-girl videos are okay if not kinda dull, but I get a sort of castration vibe from this one ...

34. WET AND FROSTY - Are you talking about sex or beer ?

35. WHY THINGS BURN - It's called a venereal disease ...

36. AMATEURS ONLY #131 - HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS GOING TO TAKE - Guys love it when girls ask that question.

37. BABY GIRL - A big disappointment for pedophiles.

38. ANAL CHIROPRACTOR - What, in case your ass is out of alignment ? Yeesh.

39. HUSH ! MY MOTHER MIGHT HEAR US ! - More of a turn-off for women viewers ...

40. S.I.D.S. - SEXUALLY INTRUSIVE DYSFUNCTIONAL SOCIETY - Not Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, which always gets me hot.

41. PRICE IS RIGHT - "Hey, let's name our new porn movie after a game show whose host wants to neuter your family dog !"

42. SNOW WHITE AND THE THREE DWARFS - You're only calling attention to the fact that you're ripping us off to the tune of four dwarves.

43. ABS OF CUM - That doesn't make any sense.

44. DEAD MEN DON'T WEAR RUBBERS - You could get AIDS and DIE !!!

45. SEX IN THE COMICS - This one actually looks pretty interesting. It's porn stars made up to look like cartoon characters having sex. Normal people probably don't want to see this, though ...

46. TOPLESS BRAIN SURGEONS - No, I want you concentrating on my BRAIN during the operation ...

47. YOUR QUIM IS MY GYM - Stupid, nonsensical, you are an object to be scorned.

48. THEORY OF RELATIVITY - That Einstein, what a hottie.

49. FELANALINGUS - "I made up a new word !" "Wow ! Let's hope it catches on !"

50. K-FCK ... THE ONLY THING MISSING IS YOU ! - A five year old retard might think that was funny or clever, but only out of pity.

51. BRIANNA LEE'S RED HOT WEINIE ROAST - Nobody is roasting my weinie. Go away.

52. UNBALANCED CHEMICALS - Psychotics can be sexy too !

53. STRAIGHT A STUDENTS - Why would I want to watch a porn movie where nobody gets to have sex ?

54. LET'S PLAY ANAL TWISTER - That sounds somewhat painful. I'm glad you're not my friend.

55. TUG BOAT - "Hello ? We make porno movies here. P-O-R-N-O. Do you understand ?"

56. HEROIN - In answer to the question, what is wrong with the lead actress ?

57. HAMLET : FOR THE LOVE OF OPHELIA #1 - Your average porn movie consumer will have no idea what this is a reference to.

58. ACID SEX - It burns ! It burns !

59. ADULT MOVIE (A.K.A. PORN MOVIE) - Whew, thank goodness. I didn't know what this was. I'm glad that's all cleared up.

60. RI DICK U LOUS - CHOCOLATE CAN HARDLY HANDLE IT ! - When you named this movie, you were contemplating suicide, weren't you ? You should.

61. FAT THE BALD AND THE UGLY - Well, at least they're accessible ...

62. SANDWICH OF LOVE - Nobody ever got laid using this phrase. It's just not possible there's a woman this stupid out there.

63. PERVERTED ADVENTURES OF SUPER DAVE #1 - It's a different Dave, not Super Dave Osbourne. But that's who you're thinking about right now, aren't you ? And is it turning you on ? Huh ?

64. AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A FLEA - Yay ! My girlfriend is infested with tiny mites ! I am so happy !

65. FRYSTIX - Who approved this ? Some porn producer who needed a tax shelter, that's who.

66. ALL ANAL ON THE WESTERN FRONT - Not a good pun, not even a bad pun.

67. HITLER SUCKS - Next time you have sex, when you're close to cumming, think of the Holocaust. Oh yeah, that's it.

68. MASK - Not the movie with Cher and that weird-looking kid. But it might as well be.

69. SKID ROW - Which mental image is worse, the worst section of town with all the drug dealers and hookers, or the band ?

70. ANAL FIREBALL - Oh, ouch.

4) WHAT THE HELL ... ? - No clue, no idea, no sale :

71. AIRTIGHT GRANNY - What is an airtight granny ? Why is she airtight ? Is that a good thing or a bad thing ? I don't want to know !

72. SECRETARIA EJECUTIVA #1 - BROAD OF DIRECTORS - Ejecu-what ?

73. SHRIMPIN' LOBSTER SAUCE - What does going to Sizzler have to do with porn ?

74. A HORSE'S TAIL - It's not a bestiality video. If it was, it would be a good title. But it's not.

75. E-THREE THE EXTRA TESTICLE - There is SO much wrong with this one ...

76. SIRLOIN TITS - What were you thinking ? I'll bet there's an A-1 Sauce joke in there somewhere.

77. BIG AS THIS BOX #1 - What exactly is "big as this box" ? And is it the same rough shape ... ?

78. TITALLICA - MASTER OF PUPPIES - Puppies ? Puppies ?!!

79. MEAT LOAF - TV DINNER BOX BIG, HUGE, MEATY COCKS - And I am out of the porn store like a bat out of hell ...

80. ONION PLANET - I have no idea what this means. Something to do with onions, perhaps. And a planet.

81. WHITE MEN CAN'T IRON ON BUTT ROW - Can't ... iron ? What about folding shirts ? Can white men do that ?

82. SUPER DRIPPING WET SERIES #3 - CARNAL CASSEROLE - Yum, reminds me of mom's !

83. KID VEGAS WATCH ME CAMP BITCH ! - This one's actually about going camping. If I were a woman, yes, you would have to threaten me to get me to watch you camp.

5) THE PORN STORE CLERK LAUGHED AT ME - titles that are so stupidly funny, you can't stop laughing and enjoy the movie :

84. CLIMAX SHOTS #70 - MY BROWN EYE, NOT THE WINKER, THE STINKER - Rhyming is fun. Hey, what rhymes with "loser" ?

85. BUMPIN DONUTS - Uh, which body part is the donut again ?

86. H.R. MUFF N' STUFF - Confusing childhood, was it ?

87. AMBER THE LESBIAN QUEEFER - "Queefer" is just a funny word.

88. MAY THE FORESKIN BE WITH YOU - Geek ! *cough cough*

89. RED HOT CHO CHOS - I don't know what it means, but I heard some other kid on the playground use it ...

90. WILLIE WANKER AND THE FUDGE PACKING FACTORY - Your fantasy life is sad.

91. PRETTY LIL' SISTAS #1 - BEAUTIFUL BLACK POPOZUDAS ! - Nobody talks like this. Nobody. I hope.

92. BEEPING MISS BUFFY - Coyote's after you ...

93. BACKDOOR LAMBADA - A taste for bad porn and horrifically out of date. Why hasn't some woman snapped you up yet ?

94. WALL TO WALL #24 - HELLO TITTY - "Good evening, sir. Ah, I see you have the erotic tastes of a young Japanese girl !"

95. ACAPULCO #1 - MALIBOOBIES - Hooters ! Headlights ! Ta-ta's ! Grow the fuck up !

96. BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE ULTRA MILKMAIDS - Oh, let me guess -- this is an art film ?

97. AFRO-CENTRIX #36 - PUMPIN' THE PO-PO - Don't even try to tell me that's ebonics ...

98. WHAT'S THE LESBIAN DOING IN MY PIRATE MOVIE ? - She's trying to earn enough to feed her crack habit.

99. LUSTY LIFE #89 - SLIDE YOUR LONG LOAF IN MY HOT OVEN - What ... what is wrong with you ?

100. ADVENTURES OF THE FART BITCHES - Ha ha ha ha Fart Bitches.

101) Jerk Your Cum Crayon And Color Me White - You kids play nice, now ...

102) Beverly Hills 9021-Ho ! - I can rhyme, too ! 9021-NO ! See ?

103) I Saw Mommy Eating Santa Claus - which caused the severe childhood trauma which led to a lifetime of doing nothing but watch pornos ...

104) 21 Hump Street - let me guess, starring Johnny Deep ?

105) Butt Nuggets - I can't find any info on this one, but reader Tricia swears it exists. To find out what a "butt nugget" is, go here :

106) Sperms Of Endearment - Chick flick.

107) Yank My Doodle, It's A Dandy - I have three problems with this one : "Yank", "Doodle" and "Dandy". Otherwise, this title is fine.

108) Hairy Honies #11 - Furburgers - My cousin-in-law was telling the family about how when he was in university, someone discovered that for only $5 you could get a steak with all the trimmings at the local strip club. So if you went to the club, you could see a row of young guys cutting and chewing away, completely ignoring the stripper gyrating on the raised walkway in front of them. To which I had to reply, "Boy, I'd hate to find a hair in my food at that place."

109) Indiana Joan and the Black Hole of Mammoo - Six thousand years of human civilization and that's the best you could come up with ?

110) Big, Brown, Bomb Boo-Yow Booty, Brazilian Bitches - My soul hurts.

Yeah not sure whats going on here either WTF ? The little dude is just weird !

Drug use by Celebrities

2008-03-19T15:05:00.005Z

Great article i stumbled upon
On compiling the lists of successful people who used illegal drugs The first reason is that the arts are one of the only areas in which the admission of drug use will not cripple a career so the revelations are endless. (For sample see LINK.) Second, artists, e.g. rock stars, tend to sensationalize their drug usage to appear wild, crazy, and tormented. This tends to reinforce the stereotypes rather than break them. Third, an artist is not considered to have a “real job” by much of our populace. For those reasons I usually don’t bother noting modern artists.

In this blog entry I am going to make an exception. As comedian and talk-show host, Bill Maher, pointed out in his 2002 NORML conference address, prominent drug users need to come out of the closet. As with the early gay movement, recreational drug users cannot overcome negative stereotypes when their successful members hide. Maher proceeded to out Harrison Ford and Ted Turner in his speech. While any outing is noteworthy, the most impressive outing I know of is Ashton Kutcher’s 2003 outing of the twin daughters of President George W. Bush, Jenna and Barbara.

Kitty Kelley, the queen of unauthorized biographies, has investigated influential people - Frank Sinatra, Nancy Reagan, Jackie Onassis, and the Royal Family - and yet she wrote that people were the most fearful to talk about the Bush clan. Add the fact that First Children are still given relatively gentle treatment by the media and it is unlikely someone was going to out young Jenna and Barbara. Enter Kutcher.

Kutcher not only outed the Bushettes, but he did it with flair. In the 2003 Rolling Stone cover story the former underwear model openly revealed his past enjoyment of marijuana. He also described attending a Los Angeles Nike party in the early 2000s in which Jenna and Barbara were in attendance. Despite the fact his friend lewdly commented, “I’d fucking nail the shit out of that bitch!,” in earshot of Secret Service agents, the Bush girls still inquired what Kutcher was doing after the party.

Everyone ended up at Kutcher’s afterwards. Kutcher revealed that the Bushes engaged in underage-drinking in his abode with the Secret Service right outside. At one point he went upstairs to his aforementioned friend’s room and in his words:

… I can smell the green wafting out under his door. I open the door, and there he is smoking out the Bush twins on his hookah.

As usual, when a celebrity says something “too” honest their public relations staff has to then attempt obfuscation. In this case, Kutcher’s spokeswoman said he was not contrite about the outing because “he didn’t say what was being smoked or who was doing the smoking.” Her statement is comical to anyone familiar with marijuana parlance. (For you east coasters, “smoking out” is the equivalent of “smoking up.”)

This outing was significant because it completed the White House family circle. George W. Bush smoked marijuana and enjoyed cocaine in his past, the First Lady smoked and dealt marijuana in college, and now it is apparent Bush’s entire “nucular” family has gone green. (For details see LINK.) There is nothing wrong with this, of course, except for Bush’s hypocrisy. Bush has a horrible record regarding marijuana tolerance. Despite promising in 2000 to respect states’ independence in determining marijuana policy, he has done the exact opposite, in fact the federal government under Bush has done everything in its power to prevent other countries from giving marijuana users greater liberty. LINK

One hot dealer Nancy

Sources:

Gavin Edwards, “Ashton Kutcher,” Rolling Stone, 29 May 2003.
http://suburra.com/blog/2007/12/getting-outed-kutcher-fingered-the-bush-twins/
Bill Maher, NORML 2002 Conference Address, 20 Apr. 2002. LINK (DOC file)
Karen Thomas, “Did the Bush twins inhale? Kutcher won’t say,” USAToday.com, 7 May 2003, ret. 15 Dec. 2007. LINK

14th March South park returns and Its Steak and Blowjob day what a day !

2008-03-13T10:01:00.007Z

First news -
South Park episode 1201 - Tonsil Trouble

Well finally after all those long months of nothingness the best animated tv series of all time returns to the screens, well American TV screens anyway if you dont happen to be from the good ol' US of A and dont fancy waiting months and months to watch it, worry not my friends just scroll down and check out the direct torrent links or link to the great south park files.

So what's the premier episode about? Well the face of South Park could change forever when Eric Cartman is diagnosed with an incurable disease in the premier episode, after his routine tonsillectomy goes horribly wrong.,

The support Cartman is counting on falls short, he has to take matters into his own hands. !

Download links below enjoy !

torrent - South Park S12E01 DSR XviD-0TV

if you have trouble visit http://www.southparkfiles.com or http://www.mrtwig.net/ for more links.

Towlie

Steak and Blowjob Day: March 14th!

So maybe its a Coincidence that today is Steak and Blowjob day and south park release a episode about tonsils Mark it down, cross the days off, and keep your calendar open on March 14th. As many of you may or may not know, guys don't have a day for themselves. After Hallmark created Valentines on February 14th, a day in which men get to display their fondness and undying love to their significant other by showering them with gifts and affection, guys started getting depressed.

The girls need a day too. They need an outlet to show their love and devotion...

"March 14th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day". Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all, just a steak and a BJ. That's it. Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 14th. It's like a perpetual love machine!"

- Tom Birdsey (founder of Steak and Blowjob Day)
So too celebrate heres some pics !

http://www.steakandablowjobday.com/

Funny Gigolo-Meter: Ever Wonder What You're Worth In Bed?

2008-03-04T15:35:00.003Z

Ever wonder what you're worth in bed...answer these questions and see how you stack up under the sheets (compared to your fellow stumblers internet users ?).

Great website very funny find out how much your worth in bed at
http://hellarity.us/in-bed/

Also i found this great 360 view of the new terminal 3 building at heathrow

Amazing 360º images of Heathrow Terminal 5

In pictures: Heathrow Terminal 5

Heathrow Terminal 5: shifting BA's baggage

Click to view interactive 360 degree panoramic image of Willie Walsh inside Heathrow Terminal 5

PowClick to view interactive 360 degree panoramic image of Heathrow's Terminal 5 airside
Click to view interactive 360 degree panoramic image of the baggage hall at Heathrow Terminal 5

According to BA, 80 per cent of its T5 passengers will check in online and will deposit their bags at the 96 "fast bag drops" in the departures hall, so there will be hardly any check-in queues. For arriving passengers, the theory is your bags will be waiting for you at the state-of-the-art carousels by the time you have cleared immigration.

Click to view interactive 360 degree panoramic image of Heathrow Terminal 5's departure hall

Equal rights for women photographs funny ! SFW (ish)

2008-02-27T10:31:00.006Z

We've all caught lots of hell from women saying that they want equal rights to that of Men,
Well does it get any more equal than these ? So any ladies reading I hope you are happy now ....

Welcome to
The Man of the Year Contest

Contestant number 1

Must be the wife and mother-in-law

Contestant number 2

He scores big with the
public display of affection

Contestant number 3

Everyone knows you can't smoke while carrying a load of hay

Contestant number 4

I think PIMP says it all

Contestant number 5

You have to keep the bike warm and dry

Contestant number 6

I'm sure he's making motor noises

Contestant number 7

He drinks more than Contestant number 2
And finally a couple of jokes ;

Why you should never question a drunk

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee and
a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.”

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”

The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."

Airline banter

2008-02-20T12:49:00.005Z

Airline banter

A selection of the funniest conversations from ATC to aircraft,

Enjoy

These are purported conversations between pilots and control towers.

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock , 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."

"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked. "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger. And yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.

Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark... And I didn't land."

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence asking, "Wasn't I married to you once?"

It was 1977 on an old DC8 Air Ceylon coming in to Colombo, Ceylon from Bangkok. The landing approach was pretty bumpy, but the biggest bump was saved for when we hit the tarmac - a massive shudder and shake - at least I hoped it was the runway.. We were soon however airborne again and climbing steeply when a voice with a heavy Indian accent came over the PA as follows:
I am sorry about the landing ladies and gentlemen, the pilot will now take over.

A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. From the plane came a laconic southern voice:
Dunno - we ain't done crashin' yet.

Towlie's found the latest Free Lindsay Lohan Nude photos as Maralyn Monroe

2008-02-19T14:12:00.001Z

Free Lindsay Lohan Nude photos

New Free Lindsay Lohan Nude photos as Maralyn Monroe and now her mummy can't try to sue now lol

Actress Lindsay Lohan has posed nude in homage to Marilyn Monroe for the new spring fashion issue of New York magazine.

Lohan recreated the legendary actress' final 1962 photo shoot for Bert Stern with the veteran photographer himself.

According to People magazine, the 21-year-old star said she was comfortable being nude before the camera.

She said she was also aware of the parallels between Monroe's tragic fate - dead from an accidental overdose of prescription medicines - and that of Heath Ledger.

Referring to Ledger, Lohan said: "You know, it's also tragic what just recently happened to someone else. They are both prime examples of what this industry can do to someone."

For Horny singles in your area click here !

40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE

2008-02-12T12:45:00.000Z

40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN

(Some Men Really Need To Read This)

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her
feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out non-essentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to
extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you
rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head
from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they
get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're
trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive.
They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your
tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and
thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on
the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and
West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've
ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So
start paying them some attention.

8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled
fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask
her to take the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they
plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep
going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the
waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant
present,not a kid's toy.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the
material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still
believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there
than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in
principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried
away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of
her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her
and see if she likes it.

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in
the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move
toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of
buttons.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first.

18) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can
do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an
assembly line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly,
with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach,
the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few
seconds.

20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites
of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the
mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina.
At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her
interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you
really don't know, don't ask

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth
down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her
clitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it
will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about
three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to
use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes
it.When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do
what's necessary.

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie
there. And don't grab her head.

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over
them.
In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does
all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so
much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow
directions.
If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being
drunk is an excuse.

30) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the
words"__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring
honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all
handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a
Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner
with snapped hamstrings.

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they
have a prostate. Women don't.

35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the
neck,if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and
jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big
turn-on.

37) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900line.
If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know

38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and
she might even do the same for you.

39) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too
heavily, she will turn blue.

40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a
soup kitchen.

Sexy housewives and students from england , scotland and wales Great sex contacts

2008-02-05T16:58:00.000Z

Ok maybe I just can't resist so heres a few anyway lol

Latest hot single or just plain horny english girls !

So heres my pick of the bunch i found whilst browsing all these girls are friendly and for real i can confirm after chatting to them.

Lady_Muck, 32 in WORTHING
Status: Single • Orientation: Straight • Looking for: Fetish
As you can see my tits are my best assett. Why not come and let me smother you with my fleshy bust and large nipples ready for sucking.

Someone a bit younger perhaps ?

A fun and flirty brommie girl.

Flirty_girlie, 21 in BIRMINGHAM
Status: Single • Orientation: Bi-curious • Looking for: No-strings Naughty Fun!
I'm an attractive,flirty, intelligent blonde that likes having fun and exploring. I am adventurous and am open to single, group, or couple fun. Am looking for people of like minds of any nationality.

Sammie really is a sweet heart but dont let that decieve you she can be a real dirty slut ( sorry sammie i dont mean it !)

suductivesammie, 38 in EGHAM
Status: Married • Orientation: Bi-curious • Looking for: No-strings Naughty Fun!
hi, im a 38 year old highly sexed lady thats looking for a toyboy aged 20-25ish to satisfy my needs. send me a pic (the naughtier the better!) and we'll take it from there.awaiting your reply x

Nice girl quite young and full of energy she like to be dominated a bit too much for me but a real woman with some great assets, thanks for the pics Hale

hailesabove, 20 in BUCKHURST HILL
Status: Single • Orientation: Straight • Looking for: Discreet Relationship
Hi i am haley i m a student so cant be bothered with a relationship i am pretty busty and into oral sex i get very turned on by strangers i want shagging every night and like to be submissive so you can use me and abuse me (within reason)

Sexy flirty girl a bit shy at first but hey i kinda like a challenge !

Flirty Girl, 29 in ASHINGTON
Status: Single • Orientation: Straight • Looking for: No-strings Naughty Fun!
luv to flirt and have fun with guys of all ages. cum and flirt with me and see if you can turn me on enough!

Well thats it for me for a bit remember to check out these girls and say towlie says hi ;) although i am not sure if this is a good idea or not lol.

Join Englands largest and most active swingers and dating and contacts site Join NOW

Or browse your local members near you

Search here

No titties today just some funny quotes from around the internet

2008-02-05T16:24:00.000Z

FOR THOSE OF US WHO HAVE BEEN FEELING LESS THAN STELLAR IN THE BRAIN DEPARTMENT, TAKE HEART FROM THE FOLLOWING INSPIRING WORDS OF WISDOM

or

TRY THINKING BEFORE SPEAKING YOU TOWEL !

Well no titties today just some funny quotes from around the internet, it was gonna be some inspiring and cheerful quotes but then i found these and thought they were better !

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we would

not live forever, because if we were supposed to live

forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot

live forever, which is why I would not live forever."

- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids

all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd

love to be skinny like that, but not with all those

flies and death and stuff."

- Mariah Carey

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces

some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.

The researchers also discovered other similarities

between the two, but can't remember what they are."

- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to

comply with the law."

- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very

important part of your life."

- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part

of my body."

- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the

lowest crime rates in the country."

- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."

- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through

our papers. We are the president."

- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."

- Former French President Charles De Gaulle

"That low down scoundrel deserves to be kicked to

death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."

- A congressional candidate in Texas

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great

country away from them. There were great numbers of

people who needed new land, and the Indians were

selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."

- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.

It's the impurities in our air and water that are

doing it."

- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"Without censorship, things can get terribly confused

in the public mind."

- General William Westmoreland

"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and

butter will be cut right out from under your feet."

- Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"The private enterprise system indicates that some

people have higher incomes than others."

-Gerry Brown

"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could

go one way or another."

-George Bush, US President

"I have opinions of my own-strong opinions-but I

don't always agree with them."

-George Bush, US President

"Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with

either hand."

-Duffy Daugherty, football coach and sports analyst

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean

air do we need?"

-Lee Iacocca

"Please provide the date of your death."

-from an IRS letter

"I was provided with additional input that was

radically different from the truth. I assisted in

furthering that version."

-Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony

"We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has

been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is

taking a short holiday to recover."

-Parish Magazine

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all

season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."

-Bill Peterson, football coach

"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a

state that is by itself. It is different from the

other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but

it's got a particularly unique situation."

-Dan Quayle, US VP

"Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it."

-Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, ordering a salad at a restaurant

"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to

distribute poverty equally."

-Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football.

A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst

"I've read about foreign policy and studied-I

know the number of continents."

-George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude

certain types of people."

-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

-Dan Quayle

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

-Dan Quayle

"The road of good intentions is paved with Hell."

-Spencer Ante

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

-Keppel Enderbery

"The loss of life will be irreplaceable."

-Dan Quayle

"The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being

compatible with being a woman."

-Rear Admiral James R. Hogg

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in

which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a

defective in the police force. We meant, of

course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police

farce."

-Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack

in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor

their heart throughout the night. And the next

morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

-Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."

-Batman Costume warning label

Ok maybe I just can't resist so heres a few anyway lol

Latest hot single or just plain horny english girls !

So heres my pick of the bunch i found whilst browsing all these girls are friendly and for real i can confirm after chatting to them.

Someone a bit younger perhaps ?

A fun and flirty brommie girl.

Sammie really is a sweet heart but dont let that decieve you she can be a real dirty slut ( sorry sammie i dont mean it !)

Nice girl quite young and full of energy she like to be dominated a bit too much for me but a real woman with some great assets, thanks for the pics Hale

Sexy flirty girl a bit shy at first but hey i kinda like a challenge !

Well thats it for me for a bit remember to check out these girls and say towlie says hi ;) although i am not sure if this is a good idea or not lol.

Join Englands largest and most active swingers and dating and contacts site Join NOW

Or browse your local members near you

Search here

&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;

Top 7 Geek Panties (for girls)

2008-01-18T12:34:00.000Z

Towlies Found some pants

7. The iPhone panties

6. The Password Protected panties: Cute little idea, panties that are password protected. Only downside is you will have to change the password every time some one figures it out.

5. Bonus Stage panties: Cute, panties that say "Bonus Stage" on them...I guess that implies you have to master all the beginner levels to be able to get to the bonus stage. Noobs, no need to even try.

4. Space Invaders panties: I love these...a classic arcade game on my butt! Too bad the bottoms look like grown up diapers. Still cute though.

3. Achievement Locked panties: Guess you gotta try harder to unlock this achievement. These must be the new "i have a headache" panties. When your girlfriend is wearing these it probably means you aren't getting any that night.

2. Classic Nintendo panties: Now here is a pantie that is made for every girl who is a gamer at heart. I bet even some of the boys wish they could wear these...I mean, who doesn't live classic Nintendo!

1. Mario Panties: The Top Geek Pantie is my very own Mario panties! This pair is the best b/c it's not some super big bottom pantie that only fits girls with big booties (like the ones above), the Mario panties are thongs, they are in Mario colors and they have Mario on them for god's sake! Don't sue Nintendo i didnt make em.

A Fun Game You Can Play With A Cute Girl Tonight

2008-01-08T12:45:00.000Z

A Fun Game You Could Play With A Cute Girl Tonight

I tried this one out yesterday with a girl I had just met in the airport. We we’re both standing in line for something service-related, and she looked really bored, so I stepped over to her and started talking.

She was really cute; South American look, long curly hair, amazing eyes, in her young twenties. And as I said, she looked really bored, so I asked her if she wanted to play a game.

At first she didn’t really want to, but I convinced by saying that, if you win, I’ll buy you coffee. And that’s actually a win-win for me, right?

So she was up to it.

The Game

I explained the rules to her briefly:

I’ll ask her 5 questions, and to win, she has to give the wrong answer to all 5. Sounds easy right?

So I started by asking her where we were. “China”. Good, she gets it.

What’s your name? “Elvis”. Though I couldn’t confirm it, I could tell by her giggle that Elvis really wasn’t her name… And later I found out that her real name was Penelope.

Is 1 + 1 = 3? “Yes”.

And here comes the fun part:

So after the third question, I’ll ask her So, how many questions was that? Penelope was smart and answered “9″, but some will say “3″, and well, you won. Congratulations.

But as I said, she was smart, so I continued onto the last question.

Still laughing because she thinks she “got me”, I ask her; acting interested if this is the first time she’s playing this game?

Almost all girls will say “Yeah”, with a smile, and so did Penelope. I have actually never encountered anyone which says “no”, and therefore giving the wrong answer.

You’re with me so far?

So actually, I won. And because I am such a gentleman, I bought her a coffee anyway. We talked for about 10 minutes more, and then I had to catch my plane. But I got her number, and who knows? Maybe I’ll come to Argentine (where she’s from) one day.

So as you should know by now, we had much fun with this little game. And I am absolutely sure that you can too. Just make sure to keep a straight face, and make sure the last two questions sound like they’re not actually “questions”.

If you use this with success, as I am sure you will if you try, please write a comment in the comment section. That would be great!

And as always, remember to keep it light hearted. Don’t take it too serious. Have fun. And good luck guys!

Disclaimer: I did not “invent” this game, I saw Neil Strauss use it once, and I don’t know where he got it from.

World’s Best Quotes About Sex

2007-12-06T17:10:00.000Z

World’s Best Quotes About Sex

“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
- Tom Clancy

“You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither.”
- Steve Martin

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
- Woody Allen

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.”
- Rodney Dangerfield

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.”
- Lynn Lavner

“Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.”
- Matt Barry

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”
- George Burns

“Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.”
- George Burns

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”
- Sharon Stone

“My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she’s reading.”
- Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”
- Jack Nicholson

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”
- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady - and you didn’t think Barbara had a sense of humor)

“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
- Robin Williams

“Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.”
- Roseanne

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”
- Billy Crystal

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”
- Robert De Niro

“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?”
- Dustin Hoffman

“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.”
- Jerry Seinfeld

“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”
- Rod Stewart

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
- Robin Williams

And you thought your crash was bad !

2007-11-30T15:23:00.001Z

And you thought your crash was bad !

The accident above happened fairly recently - winter 2005 or 2006. The plane slid off the runway in the snow. A six year-old passenger in one of the cars on the street was killed.

(image credit: Michael Lashley)

The story for the accident below goes: "The mechanics failed to have someone riding brakes in the plane, failed to bring chokes and failed to set parking brakes on both aircraft AND the tug... and then they left aircraft unattended" -

Michael Lashley, as an aircraft safety inspector, have seen multiple occasions when aircraft was endangered by the careless driving of mechanics. The example below is credited to "Mechanics driving with no Hyd pressure for brakes" -

(images credit: Michael Lashley)

Sliced!

Ilyushin Il-62M Aeroflot at Anchorage in 1999, got sliced a little:

(image credit: xaminmo)

Plane chopped by the propeller of another plane:

(image credit: Eniac Jones)

(image credit: Darren Seiler)

The story on this rampage is playing out to the tune of a quarter of a million dollars - these are the damages for 4 destroyed planes. The poor guy who's responsible for this started the engine of his private Piper Saratoga plane - and then lost control, slicing through four other planes and crashing into the fifth...

Double-Deckers:

It does not help if there are some potholes on the runway:
(plus a bunch of construction equipment)

(sent in by Sergey)

or a huge snake:

(image credit: Michael Lashley)

Containers are not a good thing to digest:

Bizarre vintage service vehicle from Russia:

(source: TM, Russia)

Asleep at the wheel?

(images credit: Michael Lashley)

(image credit: p.roy1)

In the Air

All tangled up...

(image credit: xaminmo)

Famous occasion of the cargo doors opening in the middle of a flight:
(never a good thing, read for example this account)

(image credit: xaminmo)

Strange Landings

Broken Landing Gear:

(images credit: Michael Lashley)

(image credit: aviation-safety)

The tires... are gone

Blown engine: Southwest Airlines 737-2

(image credit: Joe Pries)

One-Wing Landing!

There is a fascinating story behind this (technically impossible) landing. Israel pilot Zivi Nedivi had a collision with another plane, but could not see that his wing was missing (because of trailing fuel vapors), otherwise he would've immediately bailed out. As it was, he proceeded to land, and had a greatest surprise when he saw in what condition F-15 brought him to safety...

Here is the video feature about this aviation miracle:

url

Hairy Landing on Ice:

Landing on a street somewhere in Russia? I can hardly believe it. Must be an abandoned plane.

The thrill of Photoshop:

and a real deal....

Washed ashore...

(image credit: Darryl Chapman)

Real Deal Catastrophic Events:

Don't want to be anywhere near these occasions...

Parking can be a problem, even for airplanes

(image credit: englishrussia)

Whatever you do, keep away from my van!

in 1983 Royal Navy's "Sea Harrier" fighter-bomber was forced to make an emergency landing on a small Spanish freighter, "Alraigo." These pictures were taken at the port of Santa Cruz de Tenerife, where the captain of the boat refused to hand over the plane: he got quite annoyed that the pilot chose to land on his van:

(image credit: Elentir)

Comic strip to keep you quiet for a day :P

2007-11-28T14:12:00.002Z

Great comic strip i found Click to read

Koala

2007-11-23T11:02:00.000Z

A koala is sitting up a gumtree

smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says

"Hey Koala ! what are you doing?"

The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.

After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.

But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"

The li ttle lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says:

"Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"

Motivational Posters very funny !

2007-11-13T15:26:00.000Z

Hi all,

This post is all motivational i am sure you ve all seen them around the web so here's a selection of the best please no hotlinking.

If you've made your own i may if i am feelin energetic post them too !

So first motivational pic is
Pirates yarrr

Stumble It!

Stoned drivers are safer drivers

2007-11-08T14:53:00.001Z

Two decades of research show that marijuana use may actually reduce driver accidents.

The effects of marijuana use on driving performance have been extensively researched over the last 20 years. All major studies show that marijuana consumption has little or no effect on driving ability, and may actually reduce accidents. Here's a summary of the biggest studies into pot use and driving.

A 1983 study by the US National Highway Transportation Safety Administration (NHTSA) concluded that the only significant affect of cannabis use was slower driving - arguably a positive effect of driving high.

A comprehensive 1992 NHTSA study revealed that pot is rarely involved in driving accidents, except when combined with alcohol. The study concluded that "the THC-only drivers had an [accident] responsibility rate below that of the drug free drivers." This study was buried for six years and not released until 1998.

A 1993 NHTSA study dosed Dutch drivers with THC and tested them on real Dutch roads. It concluded that THC caused no impairment except for a slight deficiency in the driver's ability to "maintain a steady lateral position on the road." This means that the THC-dosed drivers had a little trouble staying smack in the center of their lanes, but showed no other problems. The study noted that the effects of even high doses of THC were far less than that of alcohol or many prescription drugs. The study concluded that "THC's adverse effects on driving performance appear relatively small."

A massive 1998 study by the University of Adelaide and Transport South Australia examined blood samples from drivers involved in 2,500 accidents. It found that drivers with only cannabis in their systems were slightly less likely to cause accidents than those without. Drivers with both marijuana and alcohol did have a high accident responsibility rate. The report concluded, "there was no indication that marijuana by itself was a cause of fatal accidents."

In Canada, a 1999 University of Toronto meta-analysis of studies into pot and driving showed that drivers who consumed a moderate amount of pot typically refrained from passing cars and drove at a more consistent speed. The analysis also confirmed that marijuana taken alone does not increase a driver's risk of causing an accident.

A major study done by the UK Transport Research Laboratory in 2000 found that drivers under the influence of cannabis were more cautious and less likely to drive dangerously. The study examined the effects of marijuana use on drivers through four weeks of tests on driving simulators. The study was commissioned specifically to show that marijuana was impairing, and the british government was embarrassed with the study's conclusion that "marijuana users drive more safely under the influence of cannabis."

According to the Cannabis and Driving report, a comprehensive literature review published in 2000 by the UK Department of Transportation, "the majority of evidence suggests that cannabis use may result in a lower risk of [accident] culpability."

The Canadian Senate issued a major report into all aspects of marijuana in 2002. Their chapter on Driving under the influence of cannabis concludes that "Cannabis alone, particularly in low doses, has little effect on the skills involved in automobile driving."

The most recent study into drugs and driving was published in the July 2004 Journal of Accident Analysis and Prevention. Researchers at the Dutch Institute for Road Safety Research analyzed blood tests from those in traffic accidents, and found that even people with blood alcohol between 0.5% and 0.8% (below the legal limit) had a five-fold increase in the risk of serious accident. Drivers above the legal alcohol limit were 15 times more likely to have a collision. Drugs like Valium and Rohypnol produced results similar to alcohol, while cocaine and opiates showed only a small but "not statistically significant" increase in accident risk. As for the marijuana-only users? They showed absolutely no increased risk of accidents at all.

Halloween and Another joke for the weekend

2007-11-02T10:34:00.000Z

First some Halloween pics for you , some funny and sexy pics

Why you should never question a drunk

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee and
a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.”

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”

The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

So heres my latest a guide for...orgies

2007-10-23T10:56:00.000+01:00

Well I told you I'd be putting up useful guides to the world of girls and the internets.

So heres my latest a guide for going to

A ORGY !

So you've been invited to an orgy. Congratulations!

The following guide should help you navigate the treacherous waters of gangbang etiquette and avoid those common faux pas that can turn perfectly delightful public sex with random strangers into a semen-stained social embarrassment.

What To Bring

Most orgy invitations will specify what, if anything, should be brought by the attendees. Read everything carved into the bathroom door to make sure you didn't miss any important details. Aside from a raging boner and a dish to pass, here is a list of other things you might want to consider:

-Cock ring

-Personal lubricant

-Shitload of hand sanitizer

-Armadillo, declawed

-Duct tape

-Viking helmet

-Not AIDS

Arriving

Always be punctual when attending a gangbang. (This will be the only time during the evening when coming early is actually encouraged!) Remember, there are dozens of people you don't know waiting for you to stick parts of your body in them. It is rude to make them wait. Showing up late not only reflects poorly on you, but also prevents you from getting in on the action from the beginning. Few things are more awkward than trying to strike up an ice-breaking conversation with a woman who already has some other dude's junk jammed in her throat.

And while it's not exactly considered rude to already have your cock out when you arrive, you should make the effort to dress it up a bit. The sight of a naked man with an engorged penis unceremoniously stumbling into a room full of strangers can be unpleasant and awkward. A little pirate hat or some flame decals down the sides are nice touches and make it more fun for everyone.

Choosing Partners

As stated above, it is best to arrive early. This will allow you the opportunity to meet and assess potential partners, and discuss any specialties, favorites, and taboos. Nothing is more embarrassing than finding out the hard way your partner does not enjoy it when you shit on her back.

Also, don't be afraid to learn some names! Instead of saying, "Take this face fucking, you cockslut!" most women prefer that you say, "Take this face fucking, Pam! You cockslut." It's the personal touch that will guarantee you future opportunities to fuck her face.

Be open-minded with your selections. While most men will be lining up to throw a shot into the attractive women, you should find yourself a woman who, while being substantially uglier, will most likely have low enough self-esteem to let you do some seriously fucked up shit to her. Remember, what a woman looks like is entirely inconsequential. Aside from being the place where she keeps a suckhole, her face has little purpose beyond serving as a resting place for your fatigued genitals.

A gangbang is all about variety. Try not to get locked into the same four or five snatches and buttholes. Mix it up a little bit!

The Fucking

Once an orgy begins, it quickly becomes a room full of flying dicks and tits, and it's easy to get caught up in all the dick-and-tit-flying and forget your manners. Here are some guidelines to help you avoid common mistakes usually made while fucking.

A Modicum of Foreplay is Always Appreciated

At a gangbang, it is certainly not expected that you bring a woman flowers, but on the other hand, you don't want to just mount her and start jackhammering her twat like a monkey on angel dust. Women in general like a little romance and tenderness, and some doped-up skank writhing around in a dimly-lit furnished basement is no exception.

Mouth kissing is usually acceptable, but very risky in a group sex setting, and therefore not recommended. Depending on where her mouth was (or more importantly what was in it) just prior to your encounter will make the difference between a pleasant pre-sex interaction and getting a mouthful of cum belch. Kissing other parts of her body runs similar risks. Absent a black light, you must assume any woman with whom you engage is currently coated entirely in dried spunk.

Fondling and rubbing is a tolerable solution, but still runs the risk of getting semen into your eyes, mouth, and mucous membranes through incidental secondary contact. A quick tit slap or a poke in the neck with your cock will alleviate much of this risk and still accomplish the goal of tactile arousal.

Remember, as much as you want to be polite and get a woman properly aroused, you also want to avoid touching her jizz-sprayed body as much as possible.

Assplay is by Invitation Only

Whether it's your big toe, car keys, or some other chick's face, it is the height of rudeness to stick anything into someone else's asshole without permission. A simple, "Pardon me miss, but do you mind if I slam this into your pooper?" will not only be appreciated for its thoughtfulness, but can also help prevent a situation where you are injured by something that might already be up there. You must treat each asshole you encounter with the respect it deserves.

Don't Fuck Other Dudes

I really can't stress this enough. I know when you've got a boner that could punch a hole through a cinder block and the only available place to stick it is some other guy's stink winker, it seems pretty tempting. But remember, this is a gangbang, not Ben Affleck's tool shed. Try to exhibit some class.

Aside from the obvious anal and oral sex restrictions, dick-on-dick contact is also strictly prohibited. Incidental cock bumping is to be expected, but never acknowledged, and never prolonged. The commonly accepted time limit for dick touching is about three seconds.

Understandably, there are certain multiple-partner sexual positions where the men outnumber the women that will involve some inevitable ball touching and sack friction. This is unavoidable, and therefore acceptable. But again, sexual contact with other men should never be intentional and always kept to a minimum. And remember, never, ever make eye contact with a man whose genitals are touching yours. That moment could haunt you for the rest of your life.

The exception to this rule is, of course, if it was explicitly stated to be "that kind of party" and you're into "that sort of thing." Then you can do whatever you want, you fucking homo.

Always Thank Your Partner

It is a widespread misconception that not ejaculating directly into a woman's eyes or nostrils is thanks enough for letting you work her lady parts like a prizefighter on a speed bag. The rules of common courtesy say otherwise. Just because you did things to her that wouldn’t be appropriate to do to a goat at an Alabama house-warming is no reason to be rude.

A simple "Thanks for letting me fuck you so much," followed by a cock-slap to the ass is acceptable, if a bit curt. Remember, a little extra politeness doesn’t cost you anything, and can make some ridiculous jizzrag feel good about herself for a change.

"I came so hard I think my dick went back in time," or "If Jesus had a pussy as sweet as yours, the Jews might not have murdered him," are imaginative and memorable ways to express your gratitude. Remember, a cheap whore is always a good time, but a cheap whore who feels appreciated makes a more pleasant evening for everyone.

Don't Touch the Stereo

You are a guest and it is disrespectful to your host. Also, it's probably covered in semen.

The Grand Finale

This, of course, is the whole reason why you’re here: to orgasm in public. It’s easy to get lost in the moment and do something that will embarrass you or other guests at the fuck party. Don’t let your manners shoot out of your dick along with all that busted nut!

First comes the announcement. It’s good to make a show of it to let people know how much you are enjoying yourself, and it also allows any nearby women to get their faces into position. Simply yelling, "I’m coming!" is trite and clichéd. Something more colorful like, "Sweet Molly, it’s a cold night in Tucson!" or "Eat my dick bullets!" can serve as a real attention getter and let everyone know how excited the idea of ejaculating in front of them makes you. This will get them excited as well, and everyone will have a good time as you spray the room with your ball juice.

Next is to carefully consider where to launch your cock splatter. It is a good idea to practice at home ahead of time as much as possible so you can properly determine distance and volume. With those measurements in mind, always try to aim your exploding man cannon onto as many women within range as possible.

Don’t worry if the woman is not facing you or doesn’t seem particularly interested in having you shoot your love chowder onto her. Rules of gangbang etiquette dictate that your earlier announcement is more than sufficient warning. After all, if a woman doesn’t want you to blow dick snot all over her back and into her hair, why is she even there?

And it is very important to remember that the restrictions against sexual contact with other men include not jizzing on each other. If you and another male participant are preparing to porkblast on the same chick at the same time, it is always preferable to take turns. If that does not seem feasible, then you must always make sure to not position yourselves directly across from one another and aim down. Nothing ruins an otherwise pleasant evening faster than a navel-full of some other guy’s splooge.

Final Thought

With a little practice and mindfulness, proper gangbang etiquette will become second nature. The most important thing to remember is to have fun! After all, what kind of hopeless faggot can't enjoy a night of banging some nasty-ass bitches?

Happy humping!

Marijuana Filled Firewood

2007-10-18T14:51:00.000+01:00

Marijuana Filled Firewood

"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbour Virgil Smith. He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood!
Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs,
but he's hidin' it there."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, twelve Sheriff's Deputies descend
on Virgil's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood,
but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.
"Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"
(Rednecks know how to git-R-dun).

Drivl's Guide to Recognizing Bitches

2007-10-12T13:22:00.000+01:00

Drivl's Guide to Recognizing Bitches

READ THE ARTICLE AT DRIVL.COM

Yes, of course we realize that not all women are evil, catty, and vicious. But you probably don't need a survivors' manual to handle the nice ones.

Without further ado, I present Drivl's handy guide to singling out the bee-yotch from the herd. Read it, study it, and embrace it, because the last thing you want is to be caught off-guard by a stampeding bitch.

Mother Duffer

The Low-Down:
The new girl you've been hanging out with wants you to meet her oldest, dearest friend. You're game, only to find yourself face to face with her DUFF (Designated, Ugly Fat Friend). She's Mother Superior: bossy, never gets laid, built like a truck, and possessing a disproportionate amount of body hair. While your gal pal might be loads of fun to hang out with, the Duffer will try and eat you whole, or possibly mount you in order to display her dominance. Expect numerous attempts to show you up whenever possible, and rehashing of old stories that no one cares about to make you feel left out.

How to Deal:
God has punished her enough – that's why he made her fat and ugly. But that doesn't mean you should take her bullshit. Odds are, your friend is very aware of how bad the Duffer can be – she just brought you into the picture so she won't have to deal with her on her own (also, the risk of being eaten whole by the Duffer decreases if you're there). So take this opportunity to be an awesome friend. When the Duffer puts her down, take her side. When the Duffer gets hungry and starts eying your friend, come to the rescue with a box of Twinkies. Flaunt the fact that you can walk without having your thighs touch.

Strengths: brute force; thighs the size of tree trunks
Weaknesses: limited mobility; twinkies

The Skank

The Low-Down:
Not to be confused with the Mother Duffer, the Skank is a slightly different, less-hairy animal. Likely an old friend of a friend, she won't try to dominate you like the Duffer, but will instead pout, make catty comments, and roll her eyes so often you'll swear she's trying to see her own eyebrows. Though not as huge as the Duffer, she's got some debilitating feature (unibrow, club foot, moustache, the shriveled body of her unborn twin sister protruding from her sternum) that is the root of her insecurity. Be sure to exploit this if possible. Karaoke bars are her breeding ground, and she's even more hostile when she's in heat (usually after she's seen a Colin Farrell movie and eaten a whole plate of TGI Friday's frozen potato skins). Add a couple of shots of Jager, and she'll be so easy they'll name a contraceptive after her. (May we suggest "WhOrethoTriCyclen"?) For additional information see Reid, Tara.

How to Deal:
Again, your gal pal knows how awful her friend is, but pity and nostalgia mean the two are tighter than the Skank's size medium (yeah, right) Victoria's Secret thong. Be sure to engage her in lively conversation ("What sorority are you in?") and buy her lots of shots. After all, the best way to deal with her is to kill her with kindness. And by "kindness," we mean alcohol poisoning. If all else fails, kick her in the club foot.

Strengths: incredibly high alcohol tolerance; spits venom
Weaknesses: club foot (or other debilitating feature); frozen potato skins

The Worldly Roommate I know this is a bit American this one but we all know the British equivalent from uni or work etc !

The Low-Down:
You're stuck living with someone who speaks with a slight British accent, even though she was born in North Dakota. Obsessed with her 11^th grade trip to Europe, the Worldly Roommate thinks she's cultured because she occasionally rents a crappy Hungarian movie that no ones ever heard of and describes Daniel Craig as "dashing." She'll spend tons of money on obscure Radiohead imports and nasty-ass British candy but will hardly be able to make rent. Expect lots of sighing and occasional tears as she watches BBC News, and whispers of "that's so true" during The Daily Show.

How to Deal:
This is the perfect opportunity to exercise your "Making Shit Up" muscles in order to out-culture her. Observe your family's central European tradition of keeping cheese in (her) sock drawer, discuss obscure UK bands that don't actually exist ("Weasels Asphyxiate Underwater rules!"), and invite Lubka, the Polish exchange student, over to make fun of her. If she complains, tell her she's culturally insensitive and report her to Housing Authority for being a Nazi.

Strengths: NetFlix; extensive knowledge of Thom York trivia
Weaknesses: born in a red state; pronounces "aluminum," "vitamin," and "privacy" with a stupid British accent; cannot resist zipping around really fast to the Benny Hill theme music

Your Guy Friend's Really Annoying New Girlfriend (ANG)

The Low-Down:
You really, really want to like your guy friend's Annoying New Girlfriend (ANG). But you're only human. And God is she annoying. She has a mundane job at the mall, but has ambitious delusions of being an actress/musician/artist/model, which she will tell you about constantly. It's a miracle she hasn't been discovered yet, given all her self-professed abilities, but perhaps that's because talent agents don't frequent the Gap. She knows everything about everything (whether it be ancient Chinese martial arts, what the framers of the constitution intended, or how to correctly pronounce your last name). The only thing she doesn't seem to understand is how to carry on a two-way conversation and how to shut the hell up. Expect her to be very territorial, monopolizing his time and his lap, and replacing all his MySpace photos with pictures of her in various stages of undress.

How to Deal:
Before you drag her into the street by her faux-Louis Vuitton handbag, remember: the ANG makes your guy friend happy. Or at least, she's having sex with him, which is better than nothing. And hopefully, hopefully, he'll come around and dump her on her Seven Jeans-clad ass. But in the meantime, you'll have to play nice. Pretend to be moderately amused at what the ANG has to say, and maintain consciousness while she's talking by pressing sharp objects into your palm. Remember to ask your guy friend about his life. And don't be alarmed if he's unable to answer right away: it's been 6 weeks since he's been able to get a word in edgewise. When you've finally had enough, start talking to your guy friend about old acquaintances or politics. The ANG will get so bored she'll claim she has to get to a rehearsal/photo shoot/friend's gallery opening and bail.

Strengths: overdeveloped sense of worth; Banana Republic employee discount Weaknesses: politics; the feelings of others

The Bitch at Work

The Low-Down:
She might be a supervisor with an OCD tick and a micro-management style that ensures she'll be telling you everything from how to take your coffee to how to wipe your ass. Or she's an incompetent co-worker who covers the fact that she doesn't know Excel by using unnecessarily wordy phrases to sound smarter ("I think the best way to get the message out would be an electronic communication." You mean an email?). Both B@Ws will attempt to hide how drastically under-qualified they are by trying to exert dominance over you, outdoing you, blathering on about crap that they have zero clue about, and when applicable, wearing tight ass clothes and dropping things.

How to Deal:
Workplaces are the perfect battleground for passive-aggressives. Redo a filing structure, but don't bother explaining it to the B@W. Then act like she's insane when she asks you if you changed it. Forget to invite her to meetings, but be sure to discuss the details of it with other co-workers just within earshot. Offer to get her coffee, then spit in it. Create documents and spreadsheets in programs that she doesn't understand, and give them titles that don't relate in any way to the given document (the budgeting predictions spreadsheet for 2007 is now called"Circuit Beaver Version 4") . Then rename them to something logical, but don't tell her (when she asks where "Circuit Beaver Version 4" went, stare at her blankly, then tell her it's actually called "2007 Budget"). Make up words, facts, and applications ("The Verner Contract prevents us from using anything but the Bukaki filter on our outgoing mail"), and see if she'll reuse them. When she does, ask her what the hell she's talking about. Ask a ton of follow up questions when it's obvious she has no idea what she's talking about. Smile often.

Strengths: 4 months mid-level micro-management experience; can turn a 2-sentence email into 4 paragraphs
Weaknesses: Microsoft Office; can't transfer incoming calls

The "Holy Shit She Crazy" Girl

The Low-Down:
Perhaps the most dangerous of all, the "Holy Shit She Crazy" Girl makes no attempt to hide how damn crazy she is. Tolerated because she's loosely relatedly to someone (she's the bartender's second-cousin?), the HSSC Girl will tell you about her bout(s) with gonorrhea, the numerous times she overdosed, and her theories on how the Jews control everything within the first five minutes of meeting you. Always ready for a catfight, she can often be found sharpening her talons and scowling.

How to Deal:
Do not, under any circumstances, try to debate or contradict the HSSC girl in any way. You do not want to curry the wrath of her bat-shit craziness. Instead, smile and nod as she tells you what a whore her grandmother is and how she deserves to be in that home, because once you're on her good side, she can be a valuable weapon. Just tell her the Duffer and/or Skank at the bar called her fat. Then watch HSSC Girl attack in a crazy-ass tornado of Forever 21 accessories, body jewelry, and flat-ironed hair.

Strengths: sharp nails; can go from almost normal to bat-shit crazy is 0.5 seconds
Weaknesses: Jews; frequent gonorrhea

More of Towlies jokes this time ... Catholic school girls

2007-10-09T11:17:00.000+01:00

Catholic school girls joke

Yup we all love em Catholic school girls so heres a joke and also a great excuse to show some pics of Catholic school girls woo hoo !

A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish.They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.St. Peter asks the first girl, "Jessica, have you ever had any contact with a penis?"She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate.

"St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?"The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one."St. Peter says, "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line.When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her ass in it."

We all love some school girl action especially Towlie so heres a few extras we found !

Thanks for looking and if your still horny check out
British Sex Contacts for more horny fun ;)

Towlie

2007-10-02T10:14:00.000+01:00

Top 10 Marijuana Myths

As we grow up, we're lead to believe certain things whether they're taught to us or they're implied by the people we're around… many of these things are true, but some simply aren't. Please note that the intent of this article is not to advocate the use of drugs but to assail the use of misinformation. Without further delay, here is my top 10 list of marijuana-related myths:

Marijuana is more harmful than tobacco - Many people think smoking marijuana is just as harmful as smoking tobacco, but this is not true for many reasons. (For example, most marijuana smokers smoke the bud, not the leaf, of the plant. The bud contains only 33% as much tar as tobacco; Not one case of lung cancer has ever been successfully linked to marijuana use; Cannabis, unlike tobacco, does not cause any narrowing of the small air passageways in the lungs.) Click here for more details.
Marijuana is a gateway drug - We were taught in school that people who try marijuana eventually move on to crave harder drugs, usually with the implication that marijuana is addictive and coke or crack are just the next step. In hindsight, this is absurd. The primary basis for this "gateway hypothesis" is a recent report by the Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA), claiming that marijuana users are 85 times more likely than non-marijuana users to try cocaine. This figure, using data from NIDA's 1991 National Household Survey on Drug Abuse, is close to being meaningless. It was calculated by dividing the proportion of marijuana users who have ever used cocaine (17%) by the proportion of cocaine users who have never used marijuana (.2%). The high risk-factor obtained is a product not of the fact that so many marijuana users use cocaine but that so many cocaine users used marijuana previously. It is hardly a revelation that people who use one of the least popular drugs are likely to use the more popular ones - not only marijuana, but also alcohol and tobacco cigarettes. The obvious statistic not publicized by CASA is that most marijuana users - 83 percent - never use cocaine. Indeed, for the nearly 70 million Americans who have tried marijuana, it is clearly a "terminus" rather than a "gateway" drug. Click here for a recently-released 12-year study on the subject.
Marijuana causes brain damage - The most celebrated study that claims to show brain damage is the rhesus monkey study of Dr. Robert Heath, done in the late 1970s. This study was reviewed by a distinguished panel of scientists sponsored by the Institute of Medicine and the National Academy of Sciences. Their results were published under the title, Marijuana and Health in 1982. Heath's work was sharply criticized for its insufficient sample size (only four monkeys), its failure to control experimental bias, and the misidentification of normal monkey brain structure as "damaged". Actual studies of human populations of marijuana users have shown no evidence of brain damage. For example, two studies from 1977, published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) showed no evidence of brain damage in heavy users of marijuana. That same year, the American Medical Association (AMA) officially came out in favor of decriminalizing marijuana. That's not the sort of thing you'd expect if the AMA thought marijuana damaged the brain.
Marijuana use is increasing at an alarming rate - Reports of slight increases in marijuana use, especially among youth, are being used to convince Americans that a renewed campaign about the drug's dangers is necessary to avert an impending epidemic. According to government surveys of the general population, marijuana use began decreasing in 1980, after more than a decade of steady increase. By 1990, the downward trend showed signs of slowing, but use-rates remained substantially lower than those recorded in the 1970s. Today 34.3% of high school seniors claim to have smoked pot in the last 12 months which is down from 52.8% in 1976, 50.9% in 1986, and just barely higher than the 33.1% of 1996. See for yourself.
Marijuana is more potent today than in the past - This myth is the result of bad data. The researchers who made the claim of increased potency used as their baseline the THC content of marijuana seized by police in the early 1970s. Poor storage of this marijuana in un-air conditioned evidence rooms caused it to deteriorate and decline in potency before any chemical assay was performed. Contemporaneous, independent assays of unseized "street" marijuana from the early 1970s showed a potency equivalent to that of modern "street" marijuana. Actually, the most potent form of this drug that was generally available was sold legally in the 1920s and 1930s by the pharmaceutical company Smith-Klein under the name, "American Cannabis".
Marijuana is an addictive drug - It is now frequently stated that marijuana is profoundly addicting and that any increase in prevalence of use will lead inevitably to increases in addiction. Essentially all drugs are used in "an addictive fashion" by some people. However, for any drug to be identified as highly addictive, there should be evidence that substantial numbers of users repeatedly fail in their attempts to discontinue use and develop use-patterns that interfere with other life activities. National epidemiological surveys show that the large majority of people who have had experience with marijuana do not become regular users. In 1993, among Americans age 12 and over, about 34% had used marijuana sometime in their life, but only 9% had used it in the past year, 4.3% in the past month, and 2.8% in the past week. A longitudinal study of young adults who had first been surveyed in high school also found a high "discontinuation rate" for marijuana. While 77% had used the drug, 74% of those had NOT used in the past year and 84% had NOT used in the past month. Compare this to a truly addictive drug, such as the nicotine in smoked tobacco with a 90% addiction rate, and the argument for possible marijuana addiction starts to sound very silly.
Marijuana damages the reproductive system - This claim is based chiefly on the work of Dr. Gabriel Nahas, who experimented with tissue (cells) isolated in petri dishes, and the work of researchers who dosed animals with near-lethal amounts of cannabinoids (i.e., the intoxicating part of marijuana). Nahas' generalizations from his petri dishes to human beings have been rejected by the scientific community as being invalid. In the case of the animal experiments, the animals that survived their ordeal returned to normal within 30 days of the end of the experiment. Studies of actual human populations have failed to demonstrate that marijuana adversely affects the reproductive system.
Marijuana suppresses the immune system - Like the studies claiming to show damage to the reproductive system, this myth is based on studies where animals were given extremely high — in many cases, near-lethal — doses of cannabinoids. These results have never been duplicated in human beings. Interestingly, two studies done in 1978 and one done in 1988 showed that hashish and marijuana may have actually stimulated the immune system in the people studied.
Marijuana smoke contains over a thousand chemicals - True but very misleading. The 31 August 1990 issue of the magazine Science notes that of the over 800 volatile chemicals present in roasted COFFEE, only 21 have actually been tested on animals and 16 of these cause cancer in rodents. Yet, coffee remains legal and is generally considered fairly safe.

10.Marijuana is a drug without therapeutic value - Proposals to make marijuana legally available as a medicine are countered with claims that safer, more effective drugs are available, including a synthetic version of delta-9-THC, marijuana's primary active ingredient. For thousands of years, throughout the world, people have used marijuana to treat a variety of medical conditions. Today, in the United States, such use is prohibited. Although 36 states have passed legislation to allow marijuana's use as a medicine, federal law preempts their making marijuana legally available to patients. People undergoing cancer chemotherapy have found smoked marijuana to be an effective anti-nauseant - often more effective than available pharmaceutical medications. Indeed, 44% of oncologists responding to a questionnaire said they had recommended marijuana to their cancer patients; others said they would recommend it if it were legal. Marijuana is also smoked by thousands of AIDS patients to treat the nausea and vomiting associated with both the disease and AZT drug therapy. Because it stimulates appetite, marijuana also counters HIV-related "wasting," allowing AIDS patients to gain weight and prolong their lives.

These are all myths I heard growing up. Perhaps not everyone was subject to the same misinformation, but I feel it's fairly safe to assume that there are others out there who had similar experiences.

The facinating part of this to me is not the drug in question, but the way the US government treats it. If you're interested, check out this article about why it became illegal in the first place, and if you think that was written by some pot-smoking hippie, check out the hour-long special that runs on the History Channel or consult your nearest history professor.

Again, I'm not advocating drug use. I do, however, oppose the spread of misinformation… just because it's illegal to speed doesn't mean it makes sense to tell people their cars will blow up once they hit 88 MPH. Taking this approach with students seems much more harmful than educating based on truth. At a young age children tend to accept parents and teachers as an authoritative and reliable source of information. However, as they get older and find out on their own that some of the things they were scared into believing are not accurate, they'll likely lose trust in their original sources of information and discard important knowledge that could prevent them from making decisions that could ruin their lives.

Towlies latest girls from around the UK

2007-09-25T09:57:00.001+01:00

Well its time for Towlie's latest girls from around the UK, here's a little selection thanks to our sponsors Letscheat.com and Britishsexcontacts.com so that's all the chat from me !

FEATURED MEMBER OF THE MONTH

sexy_girl8

sexy_girl826 ,Bi-curious, Liverpool in Northern England

hey guys! looking for people for good clean fun always up for a laugh and always on the move! I am clean tidy with a toned body, good looking, bubbly and confidant (not cocky)so looking for someone who can look after there self ( no pretty boys ) i like rough (not scruffy)sexy guys who look after there body and take pride in appearance or a big cock ! lol x

mand26 (Herts) 26 Bi-curious, Herts in South East

looking for a guy who will take her places she has never been before, I am very open minded about sex

minxmel (BROMLEY)

minxmel, 22 in BROMLEY,Kent

Sexy hot horny girl 22,I am looking for someone for NSA fun, I am willing to do whatever you want , yes anything you want really. Send me a pic, or message now.

Nsafunplz(HAYES)

33, Straight, Yorkshire in North East

Divorced six moths ago. And my batteries keep going flat! So I need some loving !

DPgirl (Birmingham)

28, Straight, Birmingham in Midlands

come on guys show me a good time lol. not into pain and w/s just good sex with no strings. love more than one guy at a time as fav is dp.

sexyminx20 (Milton Keynes) 21, Straight, MILTON KEYNES in South East
Im a blonde very sexy hot 20 year old girl looking to get fucked reaaally hard by guys with really really large cocks! I love anal and lots of foreplay too!

genuinegem3 (YORK ) 34, Straight, York in North West
Very bored and fustrated woman looking for some discreet fun with sexy guys. i adore being naked and im a bit of an exhibitionist too so if you are then we will get on :)

For more sexy contacts in your area go to www.britishsexcontacts.com

The Truth About Scooby Doo

2007-08-30T17:19:00.000+01:00

The Truth About Scooby Doo

Everyone remembers the cartoon show Scooby-Doo from their early childhood, right? But something you may not remember is what the show was really all about. As I've gotten older, it has become more clear to me what Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma, and Scooby were actually doing as they traversed the continent foiling crimes of all sorts in the Mystery Machine.

What We Remember:
Four teenagers and their trusted dog gallop across the country in their purple and green van solving mysteries of all sort--and in the process meet all kinds of interesting people.

The Truth:
Four high-school dropouts and their sentient dog ride around the country in their psychodelic love machine, earning their way by selling drugs. Oh, and they occasionally take some old guys mask off to solve a mystery.

It may be a little hard to swallow, but just take a look at the evidence...

Take Shaggy for example. Not only is he the inspiration for the current 'grunge' scene, with his sloppy dress and facial hair, but Shaggy is obviously a 'burner', i.e., he smokes marijuana. Why do you think he is constantly hungry? Shaggy can make a six foot hoagie and swallow it whole.

And then there is Scooby himself. While dogs do not generally smoke joints, Scooby gets his 'high' from Scooby-Snacks, which are in fact Hash-Brownies. Whenever Scooby, or Shaggy for that matter, eats a Scooby-Snack, they go ape! It just blows their mind and they do whatever they are told, because they are so lit! Scooby is also hungry all the time.

The other characters do not actively take part in the stoner-fest that Shaggy and Scooby do, but they do condone the selling of it because it helps support their jaunts across the country (and the world--they drove to China once). These other characters do have their own peculiarities however..

Fred and Daphne are always splintering off from the group to go 'solve the case' by themselves. It's no real mystery what these two are really doing--they're getting busy in the back of the Mystery Machine. Daphne with her pretty pink, well, legs and Fred are constantly bumping uglies. Fred is, by the way, pumped up on steroids. One thing that remains a mystery to me though, is why he always wore that stupid scarf around his neck.

And what about Velma? Everyone's least favorite of the cast, was of course, a lesbian. But, as it turned out in the later episodes, she was also into beastiality. Where do you thing Scrappy-Doo came from? Scrappy, who was a dog yet spoke perfect english, was obviously a product of Velma and Scooby.

So the kids spent their teenage years driving around the world, slangin' dope, shooting steroids, eating hash brownies, and fucking their dog, while all the while looking for the perfect 'hit'.

O If we had only known these things when we watched this cartoon as children...

Men's (and towels) Rules Women should learn these!

2007-08-24T15:57:00.000+01:00

Men's (and towels) Rules

Women should learn these!

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Yes we like computer games and may even fancy Lara Croft this is not the same as cheating !

^^^Not your average girlfriend ^^^

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.

Season two of Heroes New cast member !Hottie Kristen Bell

2007-08-21T12:00:00.000+01:00

SEASON TWO PREMIERS SEPT. 24
More Heroes News

Just when you thought this second season of Heroes couldn't fit any more people in it, Kristen Bell (the title character in the now defunct Veronica Mars) has joined up. Bell's been much sought after for both film and TV since the cancellation of Mars. Tim Kring has managed to get her for the role of Elle "a character described as a sexy, mysterious young lady who has ties to the supposed death of Peter, H.R.G.’s past and the future of Claire. Elle will kick off her arc by committing a serious crime, though it’s unclear whether she’s good or bad". Bell will begin her story arc in October. Congratulations, nerds.

New Study: Marijuana Does Not Cause Psychosis, Lung Damage, or Skin Cancer

2007-08-03T12:53:00.000+01:00

New Study: Marijuana Does Not Cause Psychosis, Lung Damage, or Skin Cancer

Great story i found here at http://stopthedrugwar.org/taxonomy/term/25

Check it out fellow stoners !

Posted in Chronicle Blog by Scott Morgan on Thu, 02/08/2007

I've performed a meta-analysis of various scare stories about marijuana appearing in major papers this week. The results of my research are as follows:

Hypothesis:

Alarmist reports about marijuana will turn out to be wildly exaggerated and in some cases completely fictitious. Obvious inconsistencies will be overlooked by the press and widely available contrary evidence will be ignored.

Methodology:

I read various stories about marijuana and used basic logic and reasoning to determine whether their conclusions made any sense. In some cases, I used Google and other sources to search for other information that contradicted seemingly dubious claims.

Findings:

Marijuana Increases the Risk of Psychosis by 40%: This one turned out to be totally wrong. Apparently a correlation between marijuana use and psychosis doesn't necessarily mean that marijuana caused the psychosis. Many of the researchers made this clear in their findings, but reporters left it out. Furthermore, none of the stories on this topic explained that the risk of psychosis is small, so a 40% increase isn't that significant to begin with. Reporters also failed to observe that massive increases in marijuana use over the past century have not corresponded with increased rates of psychosis.

Smoking a Joint is as Bad For Your Lungs as 5 Cigarettes: This report also turned out to be almost entirely bogus. Shockingly, "air flow" was the only category (of several) in which marijuana was determined to be more harmful. Researchers stated that marijuana was 2.5 to 5 times more harmful than tobacco in this category, which reporters simply rounded up to 5 for the headline (behold the lofty journalistic standards of Reuters). Reporters also failed to mention conclusive research proving that marijuana does not cause lung cancer; a notable omission since "bad for your lungs" likely implies cancer for many readers. Finally, media reports failed to explain that marijuana users consume far less per day, and do not continue using for nearly as many years as tobacco smokers.

Marijuana May Cause Skin Cancer: I don't know anything about skin cancer, so I won't attempt to refute the findings of this Harvard study. The manner in which it was reported, however, leaves much to be desired. The FOX News headline reads "Study: Marijuana Use May Cause Skin Cancer." Only upon reading the article does the reader discover that only one extremely rare form of skin cancer has been associated with marijuana, and that the researchers claim that more research is needed. Furthermore, only people with weakened immune systems are even susceptible to this infection. A more appropriate headline would have been "Study: Marijuana May Cause Skin Cancer Under Very Rare Circumstances."

Conclusions:

Reading coverage of marijuana research in the mainstream press increases the risk of becoming misinformed by 50-300%. More research is clearly needed to identify further sources of flawed marijuana reporting. The risk of bad reporting remains stable despite concerted efforts to inform the media that hysterical claims about marijuana frequently lack scientific merit. Exposure to poorly researched news about marijuana is correlated with support for costly, ineffective, highly punitive marijuana laws.

Drug War Issues

Original article Marijuana

Boobs in Washington, D.C.

Comment posted by Giordano on Thu, 08/02/2007 - 4:24pm

It is always revealing to follow the trail of deception involved in the unending stream of bogus anti-drug propaganda that spews forth from the deepest, darkest recesses of a corrupted DEA.

I once investigated the origins of the 70s myth that claimed that marijuana causes adolescent male marijuana smokers to develop female-like breasts. The official medical term for this condition is gynecomastia. Gynecomastia is a rare condition that is believed, but not conclusively so, to be caused by hormonal imbalances.

The pot-boob myth began when some scientists published a paper saying that the THC molecule contained in marijuana resembles, in some respects, the female hormone estrogen. This was an interesting observation for conducting future research, since similar molecular structures can sometimes have similar chemical effects.

The research was quickly followed by a letter sent by a single medical doctor, a general practitioner, and published in JAMA (Journal of the American Medical Association) which said that he had examined two male patients with gynecomastia who were also pot smokers. Two researchers, J. W. Harmon and M. A. Aliapoulis, published a research paper in 1974 in the New England Journal of Medicine that found no discernible link between marijuana use and gynecomastia. Despite their negative findings, the researchers concluded that some kind of link was likely. These publications became the total scientific basis for drug propagandist claims that smoking marijuana causes men to grow female breasts. There are still some idiots around today who claim the link is real.

Another oddity in the gynecomastia-marijuana saga occurred in a 70s episode of the TV game show “Hollywood Squares.” The question of whether marijuana causes men to develop huge breasts was asked of comedian and panel member Paul Lynde. Lynde said “yes,” and the show’s judges said that yes was the correct answer.

When I caught the brief segment on Hollywood Squares, I remember thinking that Lynde appeared uncomfortable when he answered the question, giving nothing more than an affirmative “yes” while making no jokes about it. Considering the topic was breasts, some hilarious joke should have been no sweat for the wisecracking gay comedian and party animal.

Paul Lynde’s strange behavior on the game show made me suspect that the question and the answer had been staged, possibly at the behest of the drug warriors. And in fact, it later became common knowledge in the industry that the questions, jokes and answers on the Hollywood Squares were given to the stars of the show in advance. If Lynde’s question and answer really were planted by some drug warrior, then this would be evidence that an undue and surreptitious influence of the entertainment industry by drug enforcement has been going on for a very long time.

Comment posted by Anonymous on Thu, 08/02/2007 - 5:59pm

From what I understood, by the announcement made on Hollywood squares, that the panelists knew the right anwer, before hand--(briefed on the answers!). I thought they were given that to try to stump the players into believing a lie.

Be that as it may, the short answer may have relfected his attitude about his being forced to answer the question in the affirmative. I mean, being in entertainmnet, they saw plenty of indulgers. And were probably better informed, and more skeptical about this question, than many of the other people in the country.

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Corrections

Comment posted by Giordano on Thu, 08/02/2007 - 10:56pm

Thanks for the correction. You’re right about the game rules. I was confusing it with something else, and I never watched the game shows that much anyway.

And you’re right about Lynde’s acquaintance with drugs. Lynde was a serious alcoholic who was found dead from an apparent heart attack in his bed on January 11, 1982. There was a bottle of poppers (amyl nitrate) found nearby.

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Reefer Madness

Comment posted by Kevin Kneeland on Thu, 08/02/2007 - 8:38pm

It seems the misinformation/diversion machine is in full swing. It is my belief that the drug warriors get busier when they see their way of life slipping away. May they choke on all their lies. Change is coming and I say bring it on. Stand up and be counted.

www.pissedoffpothead.com

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WOW

Comment posted by Anonymous on Thu, 08/02/2007 - 11:47pm

check out this for more info www.omgtube.net and www.youporn.co.uk

Why?

Comment posted by Anonymous on Fri, 08/03/2007 - 12:10am

I'm not sure why people would do drugs when they can join Letscheat.com. WooT WooT!

Marijuana

Comment posted by Anonymous on Fri, 08/03/2007 - 2:37am

Marijuana was not banned because of its drug properties. Marijuana was banned because it will bankrupt the USA cotton industry. Marijuana is a weed which grows in semi-arid regions with little water and virtually no maintenance. Cotton is a water hog and pesticide consumer. Imaging all the third world countries growing a Marijuana crop for the canvas industry. The pain killers in Marijuana are patent free. Imagine being able to manufacture medicinal grade painkillers. These third world countries will lift themselves out of poverty and be able to feed themselves. It will never happen. Too many greedy USA capitalists protecting their wallets.

N.B

all comments and original story are copywrite of the original writters if you do not wish to be on here plz contact the head towlie

12 Other Businesses That Would Thrive if Staffed By Girls in Bikinis

2007-08-01T10:24:00.000+01:00

12 Other Businesses That Would Thrive if Staffed By Girls in Bikinis

MSN just ran a story about a lawn care company in Tennessee that uses girls in bikinis to do yard work. The owner charges a "premium" for the service, and apparently business is booming. So I started thinking: what other businesses and services could benefit from a little blatant sexual exploitation?

Dentist - Everyone dreads going to this drill-happy sadist, but every guy on the planet would look like Matt Dillon in "Something About Mary" if the work was done by G-string wearing (insert butt-floss joke here) dental assistants instead. My tooth enamel would be worn down to the nub from the monthly cleanings I'd be getting.

Flight Attendant - Airlines in bankruptcy? Pilots on strike? Never again. If there were hot flight attendants in bikinis roaming the aisles I'd commute to work through Cincinnati every day.

Plumber - When have you ever heard a guy say, "Thank God, I have to call the plumber"? Exactly. But if it was Madame Suzette's Thong and Wrench Plumbing Service, I'd have a leaky pipe every weekend.

Tailor - If we were getting our in seam measured by a young hottie in a handmade crocheted bikini instead of some old guy who smells of chalk and barely speaks English, we'd have EVERYTHING custom fit. Jeans and boxers included.

Car Mechanic - She could tell me it was£400 to fix the flangilator that separated from the juwassle valve and I'd pay it. No. Questions. Asked.

Urologist - Think of how much more excited you'd be to hear the words "Drop your pants and bend over the table, please..."

College Lecturer - You could hold classes on The Hidden Symbolism in 14th Century European Tapestries at 6am and there wouldn't be an empty chair in the room.

Librarians/Book store Clerks - Who says guys don't read books? We'd be reading nightly if the nice librarian in the t-back and sexy black-rimmed glasses would just show us the finer points of the Dewey Decimal System.

Butcher - Hot girls in bikinis. And meat. Screw my cholesterol. Someone check my pulse, I'm in Guy Heaven.

Bank Teller - No other reason than we would love to hear a beautiful, nearly naked woman ask us if we would like to leave a deposit.

Postal Worker - Forget email. We'd be snail mailing everything. One letter at a time. Long lines? Incredibly slow service? Yeah, so? It'd give a whole new meaning to the term "going postal".

TAX Auditor - Picture tall, blonde dominatrix-types in leather bikinis showing up to interrogate you about inconsistencies on your 1040 form. I'd have Willy Nelson and Wesley Snipes doing my taxes every year.

Towlies Jokes

2007-07-23T16:50:00.000+01:00

Ok guys time for some monday jokes to brighten your day.

Towlie thinks there funny although this is no guaranty of how funny they are !

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

Ready for another ??

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth” -- even when you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don't tell your father.”

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don't say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, “Then come give your FATHER a big hug.”

If you guys got any be sure to add them in the comments !

About this blog

2007-07-03T14:38:00.000+01:00

So whats this towlie blog about then ?

Looking for a funny sexy blog from the UK and England??

Well so was I and I am still looking feel free to email me if you'd like to be added to my blog if you think your good enough !

So this blog will have lots of fun and sexy stories as well as pictures and links of the hottest girls from the internet , television and film !

With my unrivalled ability to get the pictures and stories that are hot right now !

Being a towel lets me see and hear things that others might not be able to hear or see.

What a towel hears !

2007-07-03T12:54:00.000+01:00

Overheard In The Titty Bar

Girl 1: What are you doing? You don't smoke!

Girl 2: I only smoke when I drink.

Girl 1: That makes no sense.

Girl 2: Yes it does, it's like the pooping and peeing thing.

Girl 1: The what?

Girl 2: Yeah, it's like, I can pee without taking a shit, but if I'm pooping, I'm going to pee as well.

Girl 1: Ewww.

Guy 1: So, I heard from Jamie the other day.

Guy 2: Dude, I heard she's got, like, five STD's.

Guy 1: Yeah, I think she's up to genital warts now.

Guy 2: I'm glad I fucked her a few years ago!

Another Quote ?

Dancer 1: So, has anyone ever come on you?

Dancer 2: No, how about you?

Dancer 1: I almost had someone come on me.

Dancer 2: How did you know it was almost?

Dancer 1: I could feel it throbbing. That's how you know.

More ??

Guy 1: So, how are things with Christy?

Guy 2: Oh, they're good. She's already let me put it in her ass, like, twice.

Guy 1: Wow, you guys haven't been seeing each other that long.

Guy 2: I know man, I wasted, like, three years on Michelle and only got to put it in her ass once.

Over heard at the offy

Clerk 1: I think there's two people doing it in the bathroom.

Clerk 2: Eww, I'm glad I just went.